Yoga Is For Sluts
In my second installment of Dick’s Week of Honorary Men, I would like to honor Kristina Kireeva. As you can tell by her first name, she’s a woman, and that makes her the MenAreBetterThanWomen.com Honorary Man of the Month for October. Good work Miss October.
You can follow the links at the bottom of this article (and I highly recommend you do), but I will sum it up for you here. That’s part of the reason men are so good at everything by the way. If one man does the work, that man shares it with other men. Women keep secrets like they’re poisonous.
Like everything I say about women, I didn’t know how brilliant that was until I proof read it — which as a man I never do.
Kristina Kireeva is a human sex toy — or human pretzel. I don’t know which is more accurate. While the videos I link to range from erotic to horrifying, the message is clear: women doing yoga has fucking nothing to do with health and fitness.
That is a myth.
Women all over the civilized globe are ga-ga for Yoga. In fact, some are calling it the “Babies of the 21st century”. Feel free to use that, it’s actually only myself who’s calling it that thus far. My point is: women couldn’t care fucking less about health and fitness. They’re just as lazy and gold-bricking as they ever have been. Women, however, are obsessed with sex.
When dealing with women, it’s important to remember rule #1: Everything women do is meant to attract men. Women who are into yoga are just women who are really, really into sex and want all men at the gym to know about it. They also want any men who get in their car to know about it. That’s why they leave those rubber stinking mats in their backseat until they can’t fucking smell anymore.
These women think about sex all day most likely. I don’t know. I try not to spend a lot of time pontificating on how women think. There was some Twilight Zone episode about that one time. I believe some kind of alien trash was left somewhere and all sorts of brilliant men minds wasted thousands of collective hours ruminating on what amounted to shit. That’s the same thing.
If that wasn’t an actual Twilight Zone, it doesn’t matter because it obviously should have been. Use your man-magination.
Kristina “The Human Sex Toy” Kireeva is a woman obsessed with yoga. I’m honoring her this month with my most prestigious award because of her work to expose yoga as the kinky and delectable woman-hobby that it is. After all, why else would she post — nay, film in the first place, a video of herself in sexually suggesting and compromising “yoga” positions? There can be no other reason; except perhaps in some kind of dimension where outrageous things such as that are the norm.
This is reality though, and the Smurfs are not fucking real.
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September 23rd, 2006 at 7:20 am - IP Man-Hash: 1a4ed84419c7b
its so true yoga is totally for sluts.
my ex did yoga all the time and she was the biggest slut i ever glazed.
but she sure wasnt no kristina…
now if all women came like that one they might actually be worth tolerating.
September 23rd, 2006 at 12:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: ad90658118e52
“WOMEN KEEP SECRETS LIKE THEY ARE POISONOUS.”
OK… THAT(!!!!!!) is the funniest, most accurate, BEST way of saying it I can possibly think of. When I read I could practically HEAR her spit it out.
Great laugh. Thanks.
- CK
September 24th, 2006 at 12:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: 88c1e58dc3ca7
So which is it - which is worse, a dead-fish of a chick or a bendy peach-fish of a chick who might actually be able to ’switch-it-up’ a bit…in the bedroom, on the kitchen counter, the backyard gazebo, etc.?
Now you’re whining about the fact that she’s not smiling…what do you care?
You guys are changing the parameters of the basis of your complaints more often than you do the dishes [properly].
September 24th, 2006 at 2:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
I actually understood what she wrote. I guess Satan won’t be needing that ‘rheem’ anymore.
September 24th, 2006 at 2:49 pm - IP Man-Hash: 88c1e58dc3ca7
Your ’spankings’ were not in vain [vein?]!
Oops, sorry I regressed momentarily…but seriously, I want to thank ‘you’ for…everything.
It was truly the most dull of experiences for me writing that comment, but I do realize the value in it.
September 25th, 2006 at 9:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: fcd0d386eb9be
It’s a skill we’ve picked up from feminists. Mind you we have a way to go. At the moment we can only manage it a couple of times a day. Women achieve it every time they open their mouths.
October 4th, 2006 at 1:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: d96b9dbfcc173
“…and if you act now, I’ll throw in a free choice of a blow job or anal! Act now! Cash only!”
October 5th, 2006 at 6:00 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0363c503d25ea
wow.
all i can say on this one.
October 6th, 2006 at 8:19 am - IP Man-Hash: 0d17ac160ff85
I liked how her toes curled when when she assumed the anal position.
Way to go, baby! 10 out of 10!!
This is one thing women seem to do quite well. Stick with it!
October 7th, 2006 at 4:19 am - IP Man-Hash: a8cd80253d019
could you clarify which it is that ‘women seem to do quite well.’: the curling of toes [during/in anticipation of, the anal position], or [not only striking, ]but the anal position itself…
with baited breath,
k.
October 7th, 2006 at 4:24 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
If [only] it isn’t [/weren't] the chipmonk that goes flaming apeshit. Again.
October 7th, 2006 at 5:57 am - IP Man-Hash: eab4c21bb6be5
It’s bated breath, bitch! Thanks for helping to fuck-up the english language.
October 7th, 2006 at 12:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: a8cd80253d019
Yum, you’ve both given me so much to sink my teeth into that I can barely choose where to start.
Chipmonks, apes, …I bet you’ve got a couple of cages of hamsters in the basement for your ‘python’…so feisty…or is it fisty…let’s ask Richard Gere shall we.
It’s bated breath, bitch! Thanks for helping to fuck-up the english language.
I am always happy to help, however in this case I will be helping you to grasp [left or right, it's your choice entirely and solely because I imagine that few would be willing to join/grasp you] the concept of p-u-n [http://www.answers.com/topic/pun].
Also, please diamatik, when I fuck something [up] I do it with much more vigor than that!
Let me know when you’re ready for me to explain [or illustrate with your crayons] my bated/baited pun.
On an up-note nice alliteration with the ‘bated breath bitch’ - amateurish for certain, but I have every confidence that your learning curve will have the dual purpose of assisting you in your evolutionary climb as well as give you a reason to still call yourself a man.
October 7th, 2006 at 12:29 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4657e56d12e8e
In her case, she might be right.
-Dick
October 7th, 2006 at 12:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: a8cd80253d019
Mmmm, you’ve given me so much to sink my teet-h into…you guys are the best!
Chipmonks, apes…I suspect that you have a closet full of r.a.w. [ready and willing] hamsters for your ‘python’…do you look like Richard Gere too? Nevermind if you don’t, just being so feisty[, or is it fist-y,] is definitely your strong suit.
And thanks for the “falming” adverb, it was a rather ‘hot’ comment…if I do say so myself…’out of the mouths of babes…’
It’s bated breath, bitch! Thanks for helping to fuck-up the english language.
Hey, np, I’m always happy to help/lend a hand, or whatever…even when it comes to tutoring you on your next literary term that most of us know as what is called a p-u-n [please see http://www.answers.com/topic/pun , but only if you feel that you're ready for it.]
On the bright side you seem to have the alliteration thing down ["bated breath, bitch"]. Well done…and I can truly appreciate it even though I prefer my meat rare/medium rare.
Just let me know when you’re r.a.w. to listen to the concept of my p-u-n, but I won’t hold my breath [hint: which is why I didn't use the word 'bated' - even your linked page indicates that this spelling has much to do, originally, with the concept of 'holding one's breath while waiting' for the absolute apeshits to catch up with the clever cunts].
Thanks for the benefit of the doubt despite that I doubt the benefit of
anything coming from you.
October 8th, 2006 at 6:16 am - IP Man-Hash: eab4c21bb6be5
Good point, Dick. Perhaps that is why they say it smells like fish.
October 9th, 2006 at 6:58 pm - IP Man-Hash: c3e6ad25dbabc
First, good point, diamatik.
Second, I wonder why she needs clarification?
October 21st, 2006 at 9:59 pm - IP Man-Hash: 757e7217dfee4
What???? All women do yoga for sex??? This is new to me!!!Have you been hurt by a female? I do yoga …most women do not do yoga for sex….maybe you should do some yoga…..
October 21st, 2006 at 10:14 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Men don’t do yoga. Unless it’s their stratagem for getting into Cynthia’s pants.
You see, we’re not feeble, mindless little drones that will prance on the first stupid fad they see for some attention whoring.
October 22nd, 2006 at 4:58 am - IP Man-Hash: 8df4b9656c70a
Not true. Men do yoga, pilates, spin classes, boxercise and even the old skool step class. They love it.