Phone calls should rarely be made. And when they do, they should be terminated as quickly as possible.

All men know this because men know how to use things like telephones and band saws and eyeballs. We know how to use things because we invented them. Women using anything is like a bunch of monkeys trying to use a prop from Star Trek someone threw into the jungle. There’s just a shitload of noise and nonsense and anyone with half a brain knows none of it is going anywhere. [Read more]

“It’s okay for men to sleep around, but when women do it, they’re called sluts!”

Man do I hate talking to women.

Talking to women is like prancing around in the backyard of someone who has five Dalmatians. First of all, you’re prancing and you shouldn’t be doing that, but more importantly have you seen what five Dalmatians can do to a backyard?

You shouldn’t even open the backdoor unless you’re wearing galoshes. And that’s exactly what you need to wade through women and their endless mouth shit. [Read more]

Like every man in the world, I fucking hate cats.

Women can’t get enough of them though. Apparently women also can’t get enough of having their brains eaten parasites.

Guess what that explains! [Read more]

I love a good showboater. For those of you who don’t understand the term, showboating is a manly activity that involves behaving poorly during a victory — sometimes extremely poorly.

Hell most of sporting is based on showboating; and just like sporting itself, it takes a man to do it in anyway where it’s worth a shit.

Babe Ruth, Johnny Unitas — these are the champions of showboaters who call their monumental victories in advance with the man-confidence of legend. This week I honor Lindsey “Free Ride” Jacobellis as February’s MenAreBetterThanWomen.com’s Honorary Man of the Month. A woman so committed to the man-principle of showboating that she pissed away a gold fucking medal for it.

Congratulations Lindsey! [Read more]

Science should be renamed as man’s best friend. Or better yet — if science could combine itself and a dog, well then we’d be talking.

We’d not be talking about those Sony Aibo’s either. Those things are pieces of crap. [Read more]

This question was sent to me by Shawn (HelpWanted) of this very site.

“Re: Action movies. What’s the deal with this new-age superwoman bullshit?”

I’ll tell you what the deal is with this new-age superwoman bullshit, Shawn. Women are fucking up and men are better than them. That’s the deal. [Read more]

Women should not be allowed to walk down the street without a leash. [Read more]

Any successful business venture is one of two things.

One: it offers a needed product or service at a better price or superior quality.

Two: women are whores.

What happens when you combine the two? I’ll tell you what you don’t get. You don’t get a valet service that brings a bunch of bikini clad bimbos to your house to park your guests’ cars — in a non-euphamistic sense.

How’s that for a door prize?

“What did I win, Mr. Masteron?”

“Dings all the fuck over your Hummer! Thanks for coming!” [Read more]