Women like to argue.  They love it because it’s one of the few things in life where fucking up at it gets you more.

Take pies for example.  If you go into a restaurant and try to serve the waitresses a pie with your face they’re probably not going to serve you another one.

Arguing is different.  The less listening (women refer to this as “not talking”) you do, the more you get to do it.  For women it’s like a pint that’s got a treasure map to a free pint on the bottom.  Holy shit, I wonder if that’s patented. [Read more]

There’s a myth as old as men’s desire to un-invent pants.

Women’s stories have no fucking point.

While that is a man-fact — meaning it is true as far as a man immediately understands and knows true things to be true without a lot of dicking around with proofs and facts and other such nonsense; it is not a true fact.

The true fact of it is women’s stories have too many points. [Read more]

I made a rule with myself one summer when I was quite a bit younger. I won’t bore you with the story because it’s not all that funny or interesting and I’m a man and not a woman. Women will sit around all day and tell the most boring stories in the world back and forth like a pair of mimes playing ping pong.

Actually I take that back. A story implies some kind of a goddamn point. No woman has ever had one of those. [Read more]

Have you ever seen women’s eyebrows? I can sum them up in one word: fucking gross.

It’s hilarious that women will do everything short of sewing a giant, fuck-off, red A for “Attention Whore” on the clothing of women who get their breasts enhanced, but women can’t stop fucking with their eyebrows. It’s the same thing.

Oh wait it’s not. It’s the same thing except one is gross and one is gorgeous. [Read more]

Did you know only female mosquitoes suck your blood? That’s right. Mansquitoes don’t do shit but relax at home I guess — whatever a mosquito would do if it wasn’t being an asshole.

One, two, three and that’s it. With that last item I now have three reasons why women are the same as mosquitoes. That means I can write about it.

Women and mosquitoes both:
1. Suck your blood.
2. Hate “bananas”.
3. Never stop buzzing in your fucking ears. [Read more]