Recently, I had the misfortune of hearing a woman’s thoughts on the world:

“You know, Shakespeare said all lawyers should be killed and the world would be better.”

I don’t remember how she said it exactly or what her fucking point was, but that’s my nearest approximation of how a poorly educated fifth grade student would say something about Shakespeare. That is how women talk and think with their brains after all — like poorly educated fifth graders.

This brings me to my point. Women don’t learn shit after 8th grade. They should be allowed to go home straightaway. [Read more]

I’ve always wanted to name a phony whore MenAreBetterThanWomen.com’s Honorary Man of the Month. Little did I know today would be my lucky day! I guess I should have read my horoscope, but I’m not a woman so I don’t waste my time reading fucking self-fulfilling bullshit and if I did I would give a fuck about it.

Gentlemen and all the women here who behave like little girls and not ladies and are fucking forbidden from reading this anyway, may I present MenAreBetterThanWomen.com’s Honorary Man of the Month for July:

Britney Spears. [Read more]

This question was sent to me by a reader and I appreciate it:

“Dick, why do women make such shitty musicians?”

I happen to disagree with the question. See, unlike women, men can disagree with things like questions and eye-rolls, even though they’re not technically statements to be disagreed with. It’s because questions and fucking eye-rolls and other bullshits are just like saying the same thing that is being implied. It’s the same.

Women always fuck that up. They think keeping their mouths shut gives them carte blanche to behave however fucking terribly they want. [Read more]

There has never been a good woman magician. Sure, women are important to magic, but that’s just like women are important to office work; they can wear short skirts.

Men are better than women at being showmen, but that doesn’t explain why there has never ever been a good woman magician. Surely Oprah could pop a trick or two out of her fat ass every once in a while. How about Ellen? Turning Anne Heche straight again was a pretty good trick wasn’t it? Or miracle. [Read more]

Women are killing me.

I mean that figuratively, like when you tell a woman to change the channel from her stupid bullshit and she asks you which remote is for the TV for the fuck-hundredth time.

The TV doesn’t change the channel. The fucking cable box does!

That’s figuratively killing me. Women are also literally killing me. [Read more]

Do you know that women don’t use sizes for their clothing in the same way men do?

I just found this out and it’s the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard in my life.

Apparently, women are allergic to using inches to describe their fat asses. From the gender that brought you concealer, vanishing cream, and pants in the first place, why am I even surprised? [Read more]

Writing scientifically why men are better than women are always my favorite articles. In science, there’s no room for emotion. That’s not why women are lousy at science though. Women are shit at science because they have the attention spans and brains of little girls.

When did the myth even start that women act like they do (like bitches) because they’re “more emotional” than men? Does it not take emotion to die for your country and for freedom?

Well I think it fucking does. It takes a hell of a lot more emotion than what it takes to act like a cunt because someone forgot to pick up jam at the store. [Read more]

We all know women hate sex because they’re lousy at it. The missionary position proved that long before I was on Earth cracking the whip on the ass of women all over the place.

But why else do women hate the Horizontal Mambo? I’m a man so I don’t know the meaning of the word “stop” or “enough is enough”. That’s why we have things like cars and automatic pistols. If women ran the world we would have stopped after inventing a pile of wood and right before lighting it on fire.

Enough is enough! You already stacked all that wood!

Men are all about the extra mile. [Read more]