I’m a man so naturally I can see right through politics. My eyeballs and my man-brain are like a super powered laser beam of knowing political shit and when that shit is up — especially when it’s up to some shit.

A lot of men have been criticizing Nancy Pelosi for being both the Lady-Speaker of the House in the USA and also a woman and therefore incompetent. To these men, I have this to say.

Come on, guys. You don’t think the men in charge of the USA aren’t up to something with that first Lady-Speaker shit, do you? That doesn’t sound like men. I’ll tell you right now that that shit is up to some shit. [Read more]

Men are better than women at breaking up with women.

In fact, men are so much better at breaking up, that they are better than women at breaking up period.

I’m not talking about not endlessly crying and the lack of suicide threats either. I’m a man so the first thing that comes to mind when a relationship hits the fan isn’t getting dumped, it’s doing the dumping.

Dump! In your face!

Men are dumpers there’s no doubt about that, and we do it in the most efficient way possible. We treat women like shit. [Read more]

I like to consider myself a philanthropist. Not a philanthropist of money, mind you, but a philanthropist of giving men their pride and voices back. I’m a philanthropist of balls.

All men know that’s not true though. You can’t give men their balls back because men and their balls are like Dumbo and his magic feather. Dumbo could fly the whole time because of his giant ears not any kind of lucky feather.

If your Swedish girlfriend ever tells you you need to start sitting while you piss, tell her to go fuck herself. How’s that for balls. [Read more]

Has anyone ever put some serious man thought into the great trifuckta that is women and money.

They can’t make money.
They can’t keep money.
They can’t spend money.

So why the fuck do women work in banks anyway? Women don’t work as bouncers or as Secret Service agents.

I’ve decided to throw my mighty man brain at the issue. [Read more]

Men do everything one of two ways. We either do things as hard and as fast as possible, like a Corvette with Jimmy Page airbrushed onto the hood — awesome; or we do them not at all.

That’s why men are better than women at wearing jewelry. We don’t pussyfoot around things like a bunch of ladies. [Read more]

Women can’t drive.

Women can’t drive.

Women can’t drive.

Christ, I sound like a parrot — or worse. I nearly sound like a woman!

Not so fast. Like usual, I have a whole new trough of proof for your greedy man snouts. Proof that women can’t drive. And this proof is so man tight, I wouldn’t recommend wearing it as underpants because it will lower your sperm count. [Read more]

Like most things, an answering machine is one thing and not a lot of other things. Just like how a screwdriver is a driver for screws and not a pry-er of shit out of other shit. Or how a car is not a chair; get the fuck off of it. Women are brilliant innovators in that way. They can take something with one obvious purpose and use it for a stupid and wrong one.

An answering machine is one thing: a machine to take your messages while you are away on man business. It isn’t a personal mechanical priest or therapist. Women must think it is though with their ten minute fucking messages that have no point. [Read more]