I cannot stress how genuine I am in what I’m about to say. Lynne Spears — Britney Spears’ mother — writing a parenting book will do more for parenting than Dr. Spock, flame retardant clothing, and the VCR combined. Lynne Spears writing a book on parenting could single-handedly end the profession of stripping.

Imagine if the biggest loser in the world wrote a book on how to get laid.
Imagine if Michael Jackson wrote a book on brand management.
Imagine if Hilary Clinton wrote a book on how to keep your husband from finger-banging fat pigs behind your back.
Imagine if one of the worst parents in the world wrote a book.

If you have a daughter and you don’t want her to grow into a greasy, pregnant whore, read Lynne Spears’ book and do the opposite of everything it says. [Read more]

Through some creative editing liberties, the Dr. Phil show gave America this gem from yours truly, Dick Masterson.

“Women could be great.” -Dick Masterson

Just like everything I’ve ever said or ever will say, I stand by that. Women could be great. Women could be successful, intelligent, happy, and even wise. They just have to follow these two steps:

1. Shut the fuck up.
2. Listen to a man.

And then repeat those steps as often and as quickly as possible. Otherwise, what you have on your hands is an unhappy bitch who needs a leash. [Read more]

I was interviewed by Webmaster Radio yesterday. If anyone needs a primer on how to talk to a woman, listen to this.

Webmaster Radio
Men Are Better Than Women Dick Masterson, of www.menarebetterthanwomen.com, gives us the top 10 reasons that men are better than women on Rainmaker with SE Guru and Brandy Shapiro-Babin Show Host: Daron Babin Brandy Shapiro-Babin Show: RainMaker Channel: Entertainment

Men Are Better Than Women on Webmaster Radio

Apparently, I’m some kind of psychologist wet dream.

Psychology has been pandering to women since it’s inception. I’m not going to argue that talking about your “feelings” won’t cure what ails you — even though it definitely won’t. That’s a debate for another time. I’ll simply say that getting a fucking job and driving a motorcycle at incredible speeds is more fun, proven more successful at improving your mood, and less dangerous to your Man Points.

After my appearance on Dr. Phil, I was interviewed by a Dr. Rob, a clinical psychologist and a real man’s man. An excerpt of the interview is below. Head on over to ShrinkTalk.net for the full story. [Read more]

We’ve all heard of Paris Hilton and Lady Godiva — she was a noblewoman who rode naked on horseback through 11th century England in order to embarrass her husband, a shrewd businessman, for his oppressive road taxes.

Like self-esteem and a reputation that doesn’t involve the words “great” and “cocksucker”, roads don’t build themselves.

Or maybe her husband wasn’t taxing his people enough and that was Lady Godiva’s way of protesting the second grade silk she was forced to wipe her ass with. We’ve all seen women do far stupider things. I’ve seen a woman dump the contents of a cup all over herself because someone told her something was written on the bottom. I’ve seen a woman protest Hooters by screaming out in front of it with a huge fuck-off sign all day. That’s called Human Directional Advertising and if anyone ever needs a lesson on how to do it, ask that woman. I’ve never seen a Hooters so packed.

I’ve also seen a woman who thought she was a pilot! [Read more]

A woman with self-reliance is like a bowling ball rolling down the street. You don’t need to pay attention to it unless it’s your bowling ball or your car in the way. If either of those are true, get your running shoes on or your credit card out. You’re about to pay for a fuck up.

No matter how many signs there are in front of an out of control bowling ball — telling it to turn around, shut the fuck up, or not return the calls of a guy who will only let it see his penis in the dark — the bowling ball won’t notice. Bowling balls are as dense as trash-compacted shit.

So are women. [Read more]

MenAreBetterThanWomen.com reached one million hits this week, which is more hits than any stupid woman’s website has ever gotten. If you want to know what a million of anything good looks like: a million sales, a million dollars, a million fans, ask a man. If it’s not porno downloads or a divorce settlement, women have no business with a million of anything.

I have never been troubled by this silly “equality” thing and I’ll tell you why. Men own wealth. No matter how many Political Science degrees universities sell or how often the Guardian runs a diatribe on women and their eventual world take over, one thing will never change: women will never own wealth.

Women are wealth. They’re tacky, they’re overpriced, and their warranty sucks, but they’re still depreciating assets that can be purchased for a an amount directly proportional to their age and sex appeal.

Read an economics text book. Then, dump your girlfriend. [Read more]