Ask Dick

You have man questions? I have man answers.

Why Does My Mother Wear Army Boots?

Posted in Ask Dick on April 5th, 2006

I received this email today from a woman reader by the name of Kelly who, like most women, is allergic to grammar and capital letters. Instead of printing her thoughts out and wiping my ass with them as I enjoy doing with all female inquiries and any other emails that should have been written with an e-crayon, I decided to answer it on this month’s Ask Dick.

i don’t know what has happened to you, maybe you are just some single man, (which, by reading some of your articles, i would bet good money on)…

If I weren’t too manly to know that obnoxious little configuration of commas and colons that looks like its rolling its eyes, I would type it here — but I am so I cannot. [Read more]

Cross Dressing in Hollywood

Posted in Ask Dick on February 15th, 2006

This question was sent to me by Shawn (HelpWanted) of this very site.

“Re: Action movies. What’s the deal with this new-age superwoman bullshit?”

I’ll tell you what the deal is with this new-age superwoman bullshit, Shawn. Women are fucking up and men are better than them. That’s the deal. [Read more]

Card Carrying Slut?

Posted in Ask Dick on January 16th, 2006

How can I tell if the woman I’m with is a slut?

I get asked a lot of questions about women, especially by men. After all, when someone goes to the trouble of making business cards that say “MenAreBetterThanWomen”, they must know what they’re talking about. And I do.

Of them all, this is the question that comes up the most, “How can I tell if my date is a slut.” That’s why I’m going to start my new column “Ask Dick” off with this boffo box office best-seller.

There are three easy ways you can tell if a woman is a slut. [Read more]