The Never Ending Story Part 3
Lying is one of the manliest things that you can do. It’s so manly that it’s worth two hundred Man Points just like that — getting away with it anyway. On the scale of man-ness, that puts lying right up with making a disgusted face when someone tries to give you money for something and throwing sandwiches in the street for the hell of it. Oh yea. Lying is great.
In this modern world, we men have evolved with the understanding that a lie is usually the most efficient way to resolve a problem. That’s why men don’t have any problems with being lied to or doing it. If a man ever catches another man in a lie his first response is always, “Okay, but why’d you lie?” He’s genuinely asking. That isn’t some woman-gambit bullshit where no matter what you say you’re fucked. Like, “Do you think Angelina Jolie is hot?”
Fucking of course I think Angelina Jolie is hot. Everyone does. If you totaled up all the money every guy on Earth would pay to fuck her, you could build a golden rocket ship out of clay and sunshine that carried all the fourth graders on Earth to a magical land of faeries and wizards. Don’t ask stupid questions!
By the way, “There’s no such thing as a stupid question.” Yea that’s wrong. Here’s some questions that I have heard women say with my own ears.
“But will it work if I press the wrong button?”
“Are Glade Plug-ins electric?”
“But how are you supposed to know what ‘Check Engine’ means?”
No. Yes. And you’re not, you wreck-happy bitch. That’s why you let a man know about it. When there’s a problem, let a man know about it and it will magically be taken care of. That’s all you have to do. It’s our job as men to take care of the shit, and it’s a woman’s job is to sit and look pretty and do as little as possible. Women should pretend that they’re in one of those rooms with mousetraps and ping pong balls at all times. One move and the whole shit goes haywire. That’s why a woman’s job is never done, because as hard as they try women still can’t simply sit the fuck still and shut their fuck mouths.
Let me give an example of the way in which a man lies. Unlike women, men are notorious for giving good presents to their families. I’ve already discussed this, but when I did, I didn’t mention that the man-secret to good present giving is secrecy itself. That’s why men can rarely explain large cash advances that appear on their credit cards during the night. It’s a lie to protect women from learning about something lovely that they’ve just been rewarded for doing absolutely nothing.
If that’s not romance, I don’t know what is. Every lie to a woman is exactly the same. They’re always done for the purpose of protecting women as the top priority.
Women suck at lying. When a woman lies, she doesn’t do it to protect anyone. Women lie like a broken 3-D Eye poster. There’s more complicated shit than you could shake a stick at, and the longer you stand there and stare in confusion at it, the less you understand.
When women lie, they give as much information as they can as quickly as possible. It’s so much information just laid out of the table that Encyclopedia Brown’s retarded cousin Larry could figure the shit out in about two seconds. Women are such poor liars that the crap they come up with doesn’t even count as lies. They’re just the biggest run-on sentences in the world sprinkled with the odds that you’ll probably give up listening completely as soon as she starts talking. It only works because women are impossible to listen to and you have better things to do with your time. If you can manage to pay attention for more than two sentences though, you’ve got her by the balls.
“Lemme get this straight. You couldn’t hear the phone because you were at a club, and then afterwards Carrie called you from home because she needed a ride to her mother’s house at 10:30, and you could hear her call because you were outside smoking at the time, but you couldn’t go get her because you left your purse in her car in the first place and that’s why you’re late. Okay, I only have one question.”
Then where the fuck did you get the cigarettes? A dude. Now here’s a man’s version of the same event.
“My cell phone was out of batteries.”
Brilliant. As if a man would ever let his cell phone run out of batteries.
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I guess it had to happen sometime Dick. You wrote something I’m not in agreement with. Not all men are good at lying. I fall into this catagory. Two main reasons. 1: I actually enjoy telling people the truth, even if it’s something they mightn’t want to hear. I dare say I have a few people that hate me for it. 2: I really suck at lying, pointless me even trying, I usually say I’ll take the 5th, I’m a brit and we don’t even have it. Can be real funny at times seeing some idiots trying to figure wtf I mean. Keep up the good work, enjoying this site more and more.
“But will it work if I press the wrong button?”
“Are Glade Plug-ins electric?”
“But how are you supposed to know what ‘Check Engine’ means?”
Bless them. And they’d have us believe they’re our equals, some even daft enough to think they’re our betters. Next time you hear a question like this fellas, feign ignorance and let them work it out for themselves, if they can.
“But will it work if I press the wrong button?”…..
Fuck, that’s funny.
I heard a female driver once say:
“The pedestrian hit me, and then went under my car”.
(talk about not accepting responsibility)
…. and this girl at work once said “my computer just freaked out and just stopped working”.
I said “Computers don’t behave… they are behaved UPON”.
The computer was fine.
SHE freaked out and stopped working.
*Laugh*
Thanks, but I don’t think I deserve that compliment. I’m young and still learning. I could point out a (very) few women that could truthfully be called role-models – and they’re all women that hate feminism and try to steer clear of it!
Arielle:: Keep feminism out of your mind and logic in it, you’ll find men that will respect you for that alone. If you have children, don’t become a nagging greedy wife and you’ve pretty much cracked it.
add lazy to that list, trust me that’s important too. The rest is up to the both of you. Good luck on not becoming another divorce statistic.
Arielle. You are a role model for women world-wide.
Congratulations.
-Dick
Well – my personal purpose, as a woman, is to be a wife to my husband and a mother to his children. I hope that’s acceptable, because I’d hate to find out that my purpose was actually to become an ingredient for soylent green. =/
Women are not rotten in any way at all. They’re just not as good as men at anything.
They still serve a purpose. It’s up to you to find out what that purpose is.
-Dick
Wellllllll, idk about that, Dick. I mean, you do tend to think of them as “spoiled, insignificant bitches who like to scream and whine about everything”. Idk, that seems a bit rotten-sounding to me, don’t you think?
I’d like to disagree with the premise of your site – but then I realized that I usually prefer the company of men, myself. Oh well – I can take comfort knowing that my husband is definitely happy that I’m a woman.
I do have a question – though I’m not sure I’ll get an answer, seeing as how I’m here against orders…
Do you think that women were always as rotten as you’ve presented them, or just post-feminism women?
Arielle:: I think given enough time, you’ll be able to answer that yourself, they will get worse if nothing changes. Of course you’ll only see it if you don’t do what most women seem to these days, turn into a nagging malcontented hag.
The motivation for lying is based on the primal instincts. Spinoza once said: “Benevolentia nihil aliud est quam cupiditas ex commiseratione orta?. Good is nothing other than lust born from compassion (Excuse me, if there is a mistake in the translation it’s difficult to translate Latin to Danish and then to English.).
This is because, when we i.e. say to a woman, that she looks pretty, or that she has got a nice hair cut, we only say this in order to achieve our goal: sex. This may seem very stereotyped, but it’s not, however when we look for a girl with whom we want to have a long relationship and have children, it’s a whole other matter.
The reason why women lie from my experience, is because they have a practical sense, as they lie to get things to their benefit, and yet many times we know they are lying, but don’t tell them this, as we want to be polite, in order not to get her hysterical hehe. Women always say they are better liars then men, but alas they don’t know, that we know, that they are lying.
Women always say they are better liars then men, but alas they don’t know, that we know, that they are lying.
Good job they’re too ignorant to even acceptyour pointing out that we know.
Lying about rape, lying about the Father of the child, lying to the Dept. of Social Security about not receiving child support is just the beginning.
Lies about sex, about orgasms, lies to her mates, lies to her employer, lies to the taxation department and generally lies to everyone about everything.
What a great human being.
Women Suck.
Creating fictions (i.e. lying) is one of the main characteristics of humans that distinguish us from animals.
I know animals use subterfuge and camouflage, but that is different: it is just the way their species developed in order to survive, and is not done consciously or individually. Only humans can create personal fictions spontaneously to suit the moment. Which makes lying a feature of advanced brainpower. But of course, only when you do it well. Considering how much fiction women create, it is surprising that they are so bad at it.
Which makes lying a feature of advanced brainpower.
Thats one take on it. I’d say it’s more a lack of balls.
I agree with you Mr. Masterson. From my own experience, men lie, when they, in their optic, see the lie as an opportunity to acquire something, or to protect themselves, and when we lie it’s usually to people we don’t know, because if we did lie to a close person, we would feel sorry, and in the end tell them the truth (if it was your friend, family member or girlfriend). Of course there are those who lie among other things, without having any remorse, which would be the person with anti-social personality disorder from which 3% of male population have it(there are probably many more if you included lawyers and politicians hehe) , and only 1% of women. When I started my minor in philosophy, my professor told us, that philosophy is, besides knowing a lot of theories, an art of manipulation and lying, which we in the end would master. No wonder most of the people on my team are male.
“But will it work if I press the wrong button??
“Are Glade Plug-ins electric??
“But how are you supposed to know what ‘Check Engine’ means??
these made me chuckle thanks, nice theme btw
1% of women lie? Utter bs, ask a wife to tell her husband about her finances, credit card etc.
1% of women actually owned up more like. Remember ALL women hate to admit fault, guilt or take responsibilty for anything.
Conversly, when you tell women the truth, they think you’re lying.
In my experience, women want to hear plausible lies, not the truth. Most, especially younger women appear to value plausible delusion over other higher brain functions.