The Never Ending Story Part 3
Lying is one of the manliest things that you can do. It’s so manly that it’s worth two hundred Man Points just like that — getting away with it anyway. On the scale of man-ness, that puts lying right up with making a disgusted face when someone tries to give you money for something and throwing sandwiches in the street for the hell of it. Oh yea. Lying is great.
In this modern world, we men have evolved with the understanding that a lie is usually the most efficient way to resolve a problem. That’s why men don’t have any problems with being lied to or doing it. If a man ever catches another man in a lie his first response is always, “Okay, but why’d you lie?” He’s genuinely asking. That isn’t some woman-gambit bullshit where no matter what you say you’re fucked. Like, “Do you think Angelina Jolie is hot?”
Fucking of course I think Angelina Jolie is hot. Everyone does. If you totaled up all the money every guy on Earth would pay to fuck her, you could build a golden rocket ship out of clay and sunshine that carried all the fourth graders on Earth to a magical land of faeries and wizards. Don’t ask stupid questions!
By the way, “There’s no such thing as a stupid question.” Yea that’s wrong. Here’s some questions that I have heard women say with my own ears.
“But will it work if I press the wrong button?”
“Are Glade Plug-ins electric?”
“But how are you supposed to know what ‘Check Engine’ means?”
No. Yes. And you’re not, you wreck-happy bitch. That’s why you let a man know about it. When there’s a problem, let a man know about it and it will magically be taken care of. That’s all you have to do. It’s our job as men to take care of the shit, and it’s a woman’s job is to sit and look pretty and do as little as possible. Women should pretend that they’re in one of those rooms with mousetraps and ping pong balls at all times. One move and the whole shit goes haywire. That’s why a woman’s job is never done, because as hard as they try women still can’t simply sit the fuck still and shut their fuck mouths.
Let me give an example of the way in which a man lies. Unlike women, men are notorious for giving good presents to their families. I’ve already discussed this, but when I did, I didn’t mention that the man-secret to good present giving is secrecy itself. That’s why men can rarely explain large cash advances that appear on their credit cards during the night. It’s a lie to protect women from learning about something lovely that they’ve just been rewarded for doing absolutely nothing.
If that’s not romance, I don’t know what is. Every lie to a woman is exactly the same. They’re always done for the purpose of protecting women as the top priority.
Women suck at lying. When a woman lies, she doesn’t do it to protect anyone. Women lie like a broken 3-D Eye poster. There’s more complicated shit than you could shake a stick at, and the longer you stand there and stare in confusion at it, the less you understand.
When women lie, they give as much information as they can as quickly as possible. It’s so much information just laid out of the table that Encyclopedia Brown’s retarded cousin Larry could figure the shit out in about two seconds. Women are such poor liars that the crap they come up with doesn’t even count as lies. They’re just the biggest run-on sentences in the world sprinkled with the odds that you’ll probably give up listening completely as soon as she starts talking. It only works because women are impossible to listen to and you have better things to do with your time. If you can manage to pay attention for more than two sentences though, you’ve got her by the balls.
“Lemme get this straight. You couldn’t hear the phone because you were at a club, and then afterwards Carrie called you from home because she needed a ride to her mother’s house at 10:30, and you could hear her call because you were outside smoking at the time, but you couldn’t go get her because you left your purse in her car in the first place and that’s why you’re late. Okay, I only have one question.”
Then where the fuck did you get the cigarettes? A dude. Now here’s a man’s version of the same event.
“My cell phone was out of batteries.”
Brilliant. As if a man would ever let his cell phone run out of batteries.
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November 11th, 2005 at 2:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3f773fdd708ee
Conversly, when you tell women the truth, they think you’re lying.
November 11th, 2005 at 3:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1cc2bd319db66
I agree with you Mr. Masterson. From my own experience, men lie, when they, in their optic, see the lie as an opportunity to acquire something, or to protect themselves, and when we lie it’s usually to people we don’t know, because if we did lie to a close person, we would feel sorry, and in the end tell them the truth (if it was your friend, family member or girlfriend). Of course there are those who lie among other things, without having any remorse, which would be the person with anti-social personality disorder from which 3% of male population have it(there are probably many more if you included lawyers and politicians hehe) , and only 1% of women. When I started my minor in philosophy, my professor told us, that philosophy is, besides knowing a lot of theories, an art of manipulation and lying, which we in the end would master. No wonder most of the people on my team are male.
“But will it work if I press the wrong button?�
“Are Glade Plug-ins electric?�
“But how are you supposed to know what ‘Check Engine’ means?�
these made me chuckle thanks, nice theme btw
November 11th, 2005 at 6:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7cafc309a7d82
Creating fictions (i.e. lying) is one of the main characteristics of humans that distinguish us from animals.
I know animals use subterfuge and camouflage, but that is different: it is just the way their species developed in order to survive, and is not done consciously or individually. Only humans can create personal fictions spontaneously to suit the moment. Which makes lying a feature of advanced brainpower. But of course, only when you do it well. Considering how much fiction women create, it is surprising that they are so bad at it.
November 12th, 2005 at 3:49 am - IP Man-Hash: ca082dcb31541
Lying about rape, lying about the Father of the child, lying to the Dept. of Social Security about not receiving child support is just the beginning.
Lies about sex, about orgasms, lies to her mates, lies to her employer, lies to the taxation department and generally lies to everyone about everything.
What a great human being.
Women Suck.
November 12th, 2005 at 7:00 am - IP Man-Hash: 1cc2bd319db66
The motivation for lying is based on the primal instincts. Spinoza once said: “Benevolentia nihil aliud est quam cupiditas ex commiseratione orta�. Good is nothing other than lust born from compassion (Excuse me, if there is a mistake in the translation it’s difficult to translate Latin to Danish and then to English.).
This is because, when we i.e. say to a woman, that she looks pretty, or that she has got a nice hair cut, we only say this in order to achieve our goal: sex. This may seem very stereotyped, but it’s not, however when we look for a girl with whom we want to have a long relationship and have children, it’s a whole other matter.
The reason why women lie from my experience, is because they have a practical sense, as they lie to get things to their benefit, and yet many times we know they are lying, but don’t tell them this, as we want to be polite, in order not to get her hysterical hehe. Women always say they are better liars then men, but alas they don’t know, that we know, that they are lying.
November 12th, 2005 at 11:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 957564b4aff6d
I’d like to disagree with the premise of your site - but then I realized that I usually prefer the company of men, myself. Oh well - I can take comfort knowing that my husband is definitely happy that I’m a woman.
I do have a question - though I’m not sure I’ll get an answer, seeing as how I’m here against orders…
Do you think that women were always as rotten as you’ve presented them, or just post-feminism women?
November 13th, 2005 at 12:00 am - IP Man-Hash: 00ec4afa1ec15
Women are not rotten in any way at all. They’re just not as good as men at anything.
They still serve a purpose. It’s up to you to find out what that purpose is.
-Dick
November 13th, 2005 at 12:25 am - IP Man-Hash: 957564b4aff6d
Well - my personal purpose, as a woman, is to be a wife to my husband and a mother to his children. I hope that’s acceptable, because I’d hate to find out that my purpose was actually to become an ingredient for soylent green. =/
November 13th, 2005 at 12:27 am - IP Man-Hash: 00ec4afa1ec15
Arielle. You are a role model for women world-wide.
Congratulations.
-Dick
November 13th, 2005 at 12:40 am - IP Man-Hash: 957564b4aff6d
Thanks, but I don’t think I deserve that compliment. I’m young and still learning. I could point out a (very) few women that could truthfully be called role-models - and they’re all women that hate feminism and try to steer clear of it!