Why Do Women Make Shitty Musicians?
This question was sent to me by a reader and I appreciate it:
“Dick, why do women make such shitty musicians?”
I happen to disagree with the question. See, unlike women, men can disagree with things like questions and eye-rolls, even though they’re not technically statements to be disagreed with. It’s because questions and fucking eye-rolls and other bullshits are just like saying the same thing that is being implied. It’s the same.
Women always fuck that up. They think keeping their mouths shut gives them carte blanche to behave however fucking terribly they want.
Women don’t make shitty musicians. That’s like saying McDonald’s makes shitty Italian food. McDonald’s doesn’t even make pizza, what the fuck are you talking about?
Exactly.
Think of the greatest composers in history. That’s easy. You’ve got your Mozart and your Beethoven and your Mothersbaugh, but what about the not-so-greats? You could probably do some digging on the internet and if you were a woman you could convince a man to do some digging on the internet and then talk about the results like you fucking knew all of them already because as a woman you pull that manner of shit all the time. What you’d find in the annals of music is a sausage party so jam packed with men it belongs about a block from the airport.
Women are a fucking travesty to music. Music and women are natural enemies just like women and beer. Women fucking hate people having a good time and they’re outrageous control freaks. That’s also why women hate sex. They’re too busy orgasming to control it like men do, so it makes them bitter and full of spite. That’s also why they hate music. They consider it a form of rape. Ear rape.
Music isn’t like other professions either where a woman will occasionally slip through the cracks and actually be worth a fuck. That’s where I swoop in and charitably dole out a MenAreBetterThanWomen.com’s Honorary Man of the Month Award, while simultaneously man-ignoring all of said woman’s other fuck-ups. ‘Man-ignoring’ is when you behave as if you don’t know something, but you still keep it in your mind to act upon later and don’t throw your life off a fucking cliff like a lemming. Women only have one setting on their ignore switch. It’s either Behave Sensibly For a Few Days or Fucking Invent History as You Go! Fuck it!
Also, women practice too goddamn much to be any good at music. Practice is a silly and womanly thing. It’s just prancing around the sidelines while the real job gets done on the field — the field of music.
Here’s a good question: if women are men are equal, which they’re fucking not, but every fuckwit, idiot women on the planet wants to force feed it to young men halfway between breast and bottle; then why hasn’t there been a female Mozart? Why hasn’t some little girl hopped off her daddy’s lap and started jamming?
It’s because women completely suck at music. I’m sure science will prove exactly why someday — just like it proven women can’t read maps worth a fuck. Until then logic and man reason leads the way:
How many woman Mozarts have there been? None. Fuck you. Women suck at music.
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Damn you’re ignorant.
These women can’t write worth a shit. I like a few of Gwen songs but her lyrics suck. Pink has cheap lyrics and Sarah Mc has boring lyrics though she can play. Women aren’t good at writing and they really aren’t good at anything when you get down to it other than being a whore.
Thats what they are good at. Many of us see through their lies and manipulation so I wouldn’t note that.
You missed one fair female artist and for a girl she is ok. Her lyrics suck though. Susanna Hoffs she uses her wasting sex appeal because she can’t write good lyrics. She is whorish on stage. And she even slept with Prince. Make that whore x 2.
Here are two women which you missed that have written some decent lryics. And they give credit to the men that influenced them.
Ann and Nancy Wilson.
Female like everyting else you’ve said you continue showing you have no sense or taste.
Oops. Bic Runga, not Ric Bunga.
More talented female artistes are:
Lou Rhodes (Lamb)
Linda Janssen (WBSS)
Dirty Lucy (instruments: guitar and electric violin)
Dido
DJ Sister Bliss (Faithless)
The problem with guys and anguage is that the language is always taught by some boring ass female and the subject itself takes very little interest to guys.
It’s a easy subject for those with a boring female way of life. Reading is more interesting. But the communication thing is another feminist lie.
Just because a man don’t fucking care about nouns, verbs and adjectives don’t make him less a communicator. Men are much better at giving directions than women. Bad idea to ask a women for directions.
In the real world a man can get straight the point clearly without the boring details that a woman would give you and much less confusion.
Bottom line here is that it don’t take a English major to effectively get a point across and Dick has already discussed the fact that women have no fucking point. Also that men created languages so how can you believe the myth that women are better at something? Don’t bother we know you’re fucked up.
Why should anyone believe what you say here when you have a serious reading comprehension disability?
Now if you were as good at English as you say you women are, then you would know what the hell “No women Allowed” means. Allow a man to
explain this to you. Get the fuck off this site and don’t come back!
What kind of intrument is that, Female?
Concussion by any chance?
I wont shut it! Other good female writers include Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, Virginia Andrews and Liz Greene. Some people may also like Sylvia Plath and Virginia Woolfe. I don’t.
In terms of female musicians, the following all play instruments, compose their own songs and are highly talented.
Tori Amos - piano
Bjork - guitar
Other female singers who write their own music, which is brilliant are:
Beth Gibbons (Portishead)
Tracey Thorn (Everything but the girl)
Ric Bunga
Kirsty Hawkshaw
Alison Goldfrapp
Pink
Gwen Stefani
Missy Higgins (Piano)
Fiona Apple
Sarah McLachlan
Erykah Badu
Nina Simone (deceased)
Good God, Female, shut the fuck up. You wouldn’t know good writing if it was thrown at you.
wolfe knows it because he’s a man and men are intuitive.
-Dick
Other female writers I forgot to mention, who are brilliant include Anne Rice, ie, The Witching Hour is a fabulously, delicious read. Set in an old New Orleans House, very atmospheric. Forget Lasher, Taltos, Viola as simply repetitive and the last is actually quite stupid. In the Vampire chronicles, Interview, and The Vampire Lestat are okay, then things go downhill from the Queen of the Damned onwards.
wolfe, did you deliberately leave words out of Linda’s quote? I don’t think that’s very fair. This is the actual full sentence so we can all see she is a good writer, “On the Taurus level, the symbolic Infant soul has become, symbolically, a healthy, chubby Baby…”
And I don’t know how you knew this, but yes, something terrible did happen to Linda, her daughter was abducted.
Female, if Patricia Cornwell is your standard for a great writer then you are sadly lacking in exposure to great writing. And if Linda Goodman lands on the list… yikes.
She is a dreadful writer (as far as I can tell), or something tragic has happened in her life (be it drugs/alcohol, depression, the loss of a loved one… I don’t know.)
Susanne Kirk, Scribner’s executive editor, is the woman who made Cornwell’s work readable, even good. Sara Freed (at Mysterious Press) is responsible for the focus upon the Scarpetta character. [Yes, they are both women, and you'd have a point if you argued that].
Read The Hornet’s Nest and tell me she’s a good writer. Seriously.
As for Paullina Simons, she appears to be a historical/romance novelist. I see nothing in the excerpts of her books that tells me she’d be superior (or even as good as) a Bernard Cornwell or a Jack Whyte (and I’m deliberately choosing two workmanlike male authors).
Linda Goodman: who? Oh, an astrologist. “Love Signs: A New Approach to the Human Heart”. Second sentence: “On the Taurus level, the symbolic Infant soul has become, symbolical”
Honestly. Someone who writes that (and leaves it like that) to open their book is not a good writer. Well. OK, maybe if he or she is drunk. 24/7.
Auel’s writing is, as I said above, cold and sterile. I can’t really consider it ‘good’, any more than I’d consider a proof of the Poincare conjecture good writing.
No, none of these women are “great” writers. Cornwell, edited, might aspire to good. Simons seems a genre writer, but not a “great” one. Having only skimmed excerpts of her books, I can only judge her prose craftsmanship (fair), though it is said the strength of her work is in her characterizations. Fair enough.
Who are some recent great writers?
Certainly James Ellroy. [Don't read if Silence of the Lambs made you sick]. Don’t start with American Tabloid, though. It’s a structurally complex novel that demands a lot of the reader. And I’d really avoid The Cold Six Thousand, which, while good, is stylistically unbelievably annoying (to me at least).
Brown’s Requiem is good, though Blood on the Moon is where he really started to hit his stride and find his voice. His LA Quartet is excellent — penultimate novel in that being LA Confidential.
His plots are extremely sound; his characterizations superb. Stylistically, he works to create a glorious symphony out of a minimalist use of notes (language).
le Carre (Cornwell’s brother I believe) stands out. From The Spy who Came in from the Cold to Smiley’s people, and on, some truly outstanding prose. Read “The Spy”, dated though it is, and tell me how it compares with “symbolic, symbolical”.
Ray Bradbury (”dark they were and golden-eyed”, “North, said the Captain”) had a superb mastery of imagery, language, and wrote with some interesting social statements. Almost a poet, really. Contrast with Patricia Cornwell’s wonderful and subtle exposition of character (”Brazil did not believe prostitution was right” and “West believed women were great.”.)
I think all three men will be read a hundred years from now. I don’t think any of the women you mention will be, with the possible exception of some of Cornwell’s early work. I do think Tuchman and Rowling (two other women I mentioned) might be.
Rowling has a truly impressive fluidity of style that is very rare. Tuchman has readability; she offers a degree accessibility to complex subjects that is also rare (though not as rare as Rowling’s fluidity). I would say Paul Johnson is her superior in nearly every respect. Maybe Massie. Not sure about Ferguson. But that still leaves her ahead of a lot of male historians.
Seriously though Female. You need to read more, and more widely.
-wolfe
Women are without a doubt better novelists than men, at least in the 20th/21st Century. As women are known to be better at language/communication and English than men, this is hardly surprising.
Patricia Cornwell, Paullina Simons, Linda Goodman and Auel are great writers.
@abaddon. Agreed, perhaps. But I still don’t like her cold, sterile, corpselike writing. If I had to pick a 20th/21st C female literary author I’d say… uh… OK, I admit it’s a bit of a challenge. Almost makes you think… let me figure out how to say this… that it’s possible that male authors could be superior to female authors. I wonder if there’s a more concise way of saying that.
More seriously, Barbara Tuchman’s good, style-wise (and fact/content-wise). Some ok female mystery, fantasy, and sf novelists. P.D. James springs to mind. Maybe Penelope Mortimer. Patricia Cornwell is ok when she’s edited; and like the vast masses, I tend to think J.K. Rowling is as well — when edited. Cornwell is appallingly bad when not edited; Rowling descends to mediocrity when not edited.
@Beretta. Welcome to the site.
A good point on music and math. Music also undeniably appeals to the right side of the brain as well, so you’d think women could at least half appreciate it.
-wolfe
Music can be described precisely by math.I think that is where they choke on it.They aren’t wired properly for that task.
wolfe said:
Auel? Bleh. Yes she is stylistically competent, but her prose leaves me cold. She’ll be like poor Doug Henning or Evel Knievel in a hundred years.
—I agree that she isn’t the greatest author however comparing female authors in general I consider her better than most. Besides the caveman fuck scenes, shes in the very least a realist. Her writing leaves something to be desired I agree, its almost like reading a scientific novel.–
–Strength and Honor-
L-Dog? Does that stand for Lady-Dog ?
If it does, then can I suggest a five-letter word that can be used to describe female canines.
Oops. Scratch that. You’re the first. Congrats.
I do believe you are the second, L-Dog. Alex being the first.
Clearly, Luka does not pose as a fat arsed man when posting. :)
Just out of interest, how many of these comments do you think are written by women posing as men?
Alex: yeah, I very reluctantly agree on Dickinson. Not a big fan myself.
Auel? Bleh. Yes she is stylistically competent, but her prose leaves me cold. She’ll be like poor Doug Henning or Evel Knievel in a hundred years.
Ihook, welcome to the site. I can’t give much credit to female composers — name one of serious note (and I mean one that ranks with Bach, Beethoven, Handel, heck maybe even Elgar or Sibelius.)
Female guitar players seemingly similarly.
Female singers? Yeah. Annie Lennox did some amazing things with her voice. Weird, but amazing. And she’s just one.
True on your point on girl-bands back then. Not sure they were trying to say something constructive, but they weren’t being destructive.
-wolfe
I’ll give some credit to female musicians….I can respect any woman who can play a musical instrument….it at least shows she knows how to do SOMETHING other than look cute, show tits and ass, and lipsynch her pop tune on Saturday Night Live…What ever happened to girl bands (not GROUPS) like the Go-Go’s, the Bangles, and Klymaxx, anyhow? None of these acts ever adopted man-bashing as their main hook-they took the time to actually try to MAKE music and say SOMETHING constructive, unlike many of today’s acts! Think Jessica, Beyonce, or Christina are gonna pick up a guitar like Joan Jett, Lita Ford, or even Sheryl Crow? I think not-it would mess up their nails!
For those who don’t know, Klymaxx was an all female R&B band from the 80’s….
I think Jean Auel is a great writer, her book ‘clan of the cave bear’ was a good book, I found her ideas and writing to be original but there was something about her stories that I could never fully get into… haven’t been able to put my finger on why for a while now.