Civil Servants, Civil Safety Hazzards
It was Tuesday recently and as I like to do on Tuesdays I spent the evening on my porch with a fine cigar and a glass of that Rare Kentucky Bourbon. I was attempting to light my cigar with the entire book of matches because I had seen someone do that recently only to find that matches are more combustible than they look.
Thankfully, I was completely unharmed. However, after I stomped out the book of matches and a trash can fire I found myself thinking:
If I had just caught the house on fire, would I feel safe knowing that there’s a 2% chance my rescue could be blundered by a lady fireman?
Absolutely not, I decided. Absolutely not.
Men are better than women at being firemen and policemen and any other job that ends in “men” for obvious reasons. Men are stronger with their muscles and faster with their feet. What else do we need to prove that, especially for these two jobs — some kind of built in hose or gun?
I think we all know I’m talking about the penis there.
The point is that it’s so obvious, it’s painfully obvious. And when I say painful, I mean to the thousands of people out there who have suffered for a lack of strength, speed, or quick, rational thinking during a crisis. Sure, there’s a test women have to pass in order to meet the “minimum requirement” of strength and agility, but let me tell you what my problem with that is.
There’s a test.
The only test we men need in this instance is our good old man-reason. That’s how we make the top-notch decisions that we do in matters of mere seconds — even when we aren’t under pressure to do so, and sometimes without even thinking at all. It’s instinct. If a lady cop were to get punched in the face, our man-reason tells us that she wouldn’t be able to take it as well as a real cop. Same with a lady fireman.
Also, can you see a lady fireman throwing two burning children over her shoulders and carrying them out of a pet store? No. But I bet you can see a woman throwing two legs over the side of an arm chair and taking a snooze at three in the afternoon. Too bad they don’t have a test for that.
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July 23rd, 2005 at 8:26 am - IP Man-Hash: a9c2fdd218401
If you weren’t such a twat as to be playing with matches you wouldn’t have to contemplate the embaressment of being carried out of a burning house by a lady. Did your mother never tell you anything?
July 23rd, 2005 at 8:27 am - IP Man-Hash: 198450b4642a5
Experimentation is a very man thing to do. I’m not surprised you don’t understand, Horty.
-Dick
July 23rd, 2005 at 8:30 am - IP Man-Hash: a9c2fdd218401
Playing with matches and expecting them not to cause fire is fucking retarded Dick! It’s not experimentation, it’s idiocy. There is no reason for ‘experimenting’ with matches, it is not advancing human experiance or knowledge, it just makes you seem like a twat when you have to explain to the person who’s trying to put the fire out.
Never call me ‘Horty’, cock.
July 24th, 2005 at 7:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: cc0d45fa29251
Whatever Horty.
August 3rd, 2005 at 3:21 am - IP Man-Hash: 49aeb104189f6
You sound like a very sad lonely man, who couldn’t get a woman in your whole life, so you take it out on the whole sex. Your absolutely digusting. Without women you wouldn’t even exist you idiot! You need to get a life and if your so against women find a man to love ‘cos it sounds like are very lonely and sexually fustrated!!!!
August 3rd, 2005 at 11:39 am - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
tess,
I’m not “against women”. I don’t know why you crazy broads keep repeating that. I’m just stating the obvious. That men are better than women at everything and that women are walking, talking, barley-literate catastrophes.
-Dick
August 4th, 2005 at 1:25 am - IP Man-Hash: 678b8d50e09c8
Oh yes u call that not being “against women” u sound like a complete idiot. Obvouisly one women in your sad life has done u wrong so your taking it out on the rest of the sex. Your very sad everything u say is full of shit. Get a fucking life and stop putting down women.
August 4th, 2005 at 9:01 am - IP Man-Hash: ac62c77584632
Look, tess, you’re completely wrong — like most women all the time.
If I were to say a calculator can do math better than a retarded and fat chimpanzee, would that make me “against” retarded chimpanzees?
No it wouldn’t. It’s the same thing except men are the calculators and women are retarded chimpanzees.
-Dick
August 5th, 2005 at 6:39 am - IP Man-Hash: 46d8304bbb9af
HAHAHA
I can picture it now, Dick stupidly sets his house on fire, then refuses the help of a qualified firewoman instead claiming that he is better at putting out fires because he has a ‘built in hose’. He then attempts to put out the fire with his 2 inch stump of a hose, but of course instead he burns the whole thing off.
Equally hilarious would be him attempting to stop a mugger by pissing on him rather than the handy female police officer using her actual gun.
There is no end to your stupidity Dick.
August 5th, 2005 at 5:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
I don’t think the loss of life in any way is funny, Nicole. It’s a sad state of affairs to see women as a whole represented by such a thoughtless and spiteful girl.
Sadly, it’s also completely accurate.
-Dick
August 6th, 2005 at 7:05 am - IP Man-Hash: 26390a6c57528
It would be ironic for you to die because of your inability to allow a woman to help you. This is why Nicole’s comment is hilariously funny. If you can’t laugh at the irony involved in death it is probably because you are scared of it.
August 7th, 2005 at 9:30 am - IP Man-Hash: b084d91b2575f
Why wouldn’t I let a woman help me? The only thing funny here is yours and Nicole’s reading comprehensions. How many languages did you two go through before you learned English?
-Dick
August 12th, 2005 at 9:42 am - IP Man-Hash: b0e7aae980b2e
Once again we have women posting where they shouldn’t. Ladies, please read the rules: “No Women Allowed”. As for your ad hominem attacks on Dick (above), it’s painfully obvious that you have no intention of addressing the points he made in a well-written and reasoned article. The fact is, women can’t compete in a man’s world, especially where brawn and physical skill are needed. That’s why we have Women’s PGA and Women’s boxing and Women’s tennis and even Women’s billiards. And, of course, affirmative action. You all know this and resent it. It eats at you so much that when a brilliant and honest man like Dick points it out (not to you since you’re not allowed on this site) you attack his intelligence, sexuality, and any other irrelevancies that occur to you. I suggest you try to face the obvious the way a man does; with courage, honesty and intelligence.
August 13th, 2005 at 3:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: 46d8304bbb9af
The quotes:
“Why wouldn’t I let a woman help me? ”
And:
“would I feel safe knowing that there’s a 2% chance my rescue could be blundered by a lady fireman? Absolutely not.”
Are very contradicting. Make up youre mind Dick.
December 30th, 2005 at 6:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: 968905d0cbd7e
Well… isn’t this article true…?
July 27th, 2007 at 8:24 am - IP Man-Hash: 89480e57f777f
Nicole saying you wouldnt feel safe is not saying you wouldnt let a women help you.
Posting ill thought out crap like that reallly supports the views posted on this website. By all means try and defend yourselves but all your doing is digging an allready deep hole deeper.
July 27th, 2007 at 9:17 am - IP Man-Hash: 356b2e2244d02
This thread is close to two years old, Chris.
But you are correct nonetheless.