Let’s Call a Spade a Spatula. Just to be Silly.

I awoke this morning with a powerful thirst to wrap my large, male brain-muscles around a myth that needs busting. So here it is: women hate nice guys.

Women hate nice guys?

That’s stupider than the Vagina Monologues.

Saying that women hate nice guys is like saying that it’s okay to drink in the workplace on days that end in “-day”. It’s annoying and redundant and stupid because all days end in “-day” just like all men are nice.

Bullshit, you say? How about no shit at all!

Think back on your own. When your car was stalled in the middle of a busy intersection, who helped you push it across? That’s right, a man. When you had something heavy that needed dumping behind a 7-11 — like a couch or a woman who passed out drunk in your backseat because she was trying way too hard to impress all of her whore friends; who helped you chuck it?

Kachuck — a man.

Has a man ever eaten half of your pizza and then made you play ten minutes of “I’m too stupid to do math because Cosmo said that was sexy” before chipping in? Fuck no, because that’s one of the most irritating games in the world and men don’t propagate that manner of horseshit. If he did though, it was probably extremely funny — something that women are also not and will never be.

In the practice of life, there is no struggle where a man won’t lend a man hand. Men will even help women, which is the biggest testament of all to our undeniable niceness. A woman, you see, will never ever offer any kind of ‘thank you’, so we’re pretty much doing it for nothing. She will just stand their clumsily with her uncharged cell phone and explain ad naseum how life did not prepare her in the least for whatever it was that needed doing. Wow, could you tell me something more obvious? Or should I say ovarious?

Speaking of that, if you had a Pog for every time that a man paid for a woman’s abortion (pretty nice considering it’s 100% her fault), you’d have a shitload of Pogs. It’s called responsibility ladies — who are absolutely forbidden from reading this. If you don’t want the cat in the cookie jar, close the fucking lid. Jesus.

By the way, if any of you men can think of something more helpful and nice than a man, please let me know. Purely for curiosity’s sake, the point has already been proven.

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58 Responses to “Let’s Call a Spade a Spatula. Just to be Silly.”

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  1. sonyad Says:

    wolfe said:

    [...]the possibility of a world government which would, in my humble view, be one of the worst things imaginable to befall our benighted planet.

    [...]

    -wolfe

    I concur fullheartedly. In fact, I see the coming to pass of such a hideous thing to be the first obvious and undeniable, in my view, sign of the apocalypse.

    Regards.

  2. son of the suns Says:

    If you guys watch Lou Dobbs you would know Bush is trying to unite the US with Canada and Mexico in a borderless “North American Union”. All without asking the American people. Not gonna go into it heavily since it should be in politik forums, so just google it.

  3. Clint the GREAT NOR CALI DRO Says:

    damnit here we go again. fortunately this ones easy to solve. theres assholes and nice guys. theres bitches and beauties. it has nothing to do with gender. women are typically more calm then men are. common testosterone people. we are more agressive than women. theres a lot of bitches and assholes in general. and women are more complex. we are simple and straight forward. women play games and think of complex ways to figure things out making them slightly retarded. haha no im kidding. but seriously women are more complex. but remember that its not based on gender its more based on you as an individuall. were all different dumb fucks. if we all were the same we would be fucking robots. and we wouldnt have dicks and there would be no vaginas. end of story now stop argueing over dumbshit bullshit.

  4. diamatik Says:

    Women are not complex. Just because you don’t answer something that doesn’t make it complex. Sometimes you just can’t understand something because it makes no sense, and that is how I view women’s behavior in mate selection.

  5. Risk Says:

    Women are not more calm than men. In any way.

  6. MansVoice Says:

    Damn straight. Take a cockroach as an example. When men see it, the most we do is move out of its way. Women scream their fucking lungs off just like what they do with every. fucking. obstacle. they meet in their lives.

  7. son of the suns Says:

    I don’t take orders from manginas Clint.

  8. Clint the GREAT NOR CALI DRO Says:

    women tend to be more dramatic if thats what you are trying to say.

  9. diamatik Says:

    Clint the GREAT NOR CALI DRO said:

    women tend to be more dramatic if thats what you are trying to say.

    And if by ‘dramatic’ you mean ‘full of shit,’ then your deduction is correct.

  10. MansVoice Says:

    In my opinion, they reap what they sow. They choose the badboy, whine and cry to their “girlfriends” and pretend like its worth a shit. Juxtapose it to other areas in their life; work, school etc. What do we see? Women choosing “DRAMA” over achieving something/anything- not that they do anyway. Its NOT the glass ceiling which is holding you down fem-bitches. Its women’s retarded ability to make rational choices. Got fucked? Deal.with.it.

  11. Anon Says:

    diamatik said:

    Women are not complex. Just because you don’t answer something that doesn’t make it complex. Sometimes you just can’t understand something because it makes no sense, and that is how I view women’s behavior in mate selection.

    That’s the most brilliant fucking thing I’ve heard all week!

  12. Anon Says:

    Clint the GREAT NOR CALI DRO said:

    damnit here we go again. fortunately this ones easy to solve. theres assholes and nice guys. theres bitches and beauties. it has nothing to do with gender. women are typically more calm then men are. common testosterone people. we are more agressive than women. theres a lot of bitches and assholes in general. and women are more complex. we are simple and straight forward. women play games and think of complex ways to figure things out making them slightly retarded. haha no im kidding. but seriously women are more complex. but remember that its not based on gender its more based on you as an individuall. were all different dumb fucks. if we all were the same we would be fucking robots. and we wouldnt have dicks and there would be no vaginas. end of story now stop argueing over dumbshit bullshit.

    This guy is either married, or has a girlfriend. Or, he’s just an idiot. Saying a woman is more complex is like saying a flashlight is more complex than a star because it looks brighter.

    Women’s “complexity” is nothing more than “simplicity” which is all over the fucking map. And the only reason YOU say it’s complex, it because you have never been told it’s actually SIMPLE.

    Yeah, there are nice people and assholes from either gender. But which gender is more complex?

    Consider a phrase I heard last week from a woman: “Ex-best friend”.

    That is a phenomena totally foreign to man. Men do not have “ex-best friends”. Why? Because to a man, being a best friend is something that can never faulter. Why? Because we don’t bullshit each other %100 of the time. The only way a woman can have an “ex-best friend” is by being the selfish liar she is. Completely two faced, and concerned with nothing but herself. No “best friend” of a man would back stab him, and lie about him behind his back. If he did, the other guy would just punch his lights out, and they never speak about it again. Ever. it would be done. And if the were ever brought up again, which would only be by woman of course, the guy would simply say, “That guy was a fucking asshole”, and leave it at that.

    But with a woman, they will tell everyone the story of their “ex-best friend”. They’ll even tell their NEW best friend that story.

    All this intricate, two-faced lying seems more complex than a man’s simple logical friendship with another man. But it isn’t.

    Men a proper judges of character. Before two men become best friends, an incredibly complex and intricate bond is formed. They learn about each other in such depth, that when they finally do become best friends, nothing could EVER destroy that friendship.

    Woman choose a best friend on whether or not she is better looking than her, whether or not they have chemistry as twin-whores at the bar scene, and whether or not they nod their head to whatever bullshit comes out of their mouths. Character doesn’t matter. Trust doesn’t matter, because they are both saving up gossipy details to unleash when the relationship falls apart. That’s the only reason they tell each other secrets anyways, so the other person will tell secrets too, and they will gain that power over them.

  13. psychedeliccowboy Says:

    I’m too stupid to do math…because Cosmo said that was sexy.

  14. Lynn Says:

    Anon said:

    Men a proper judges of character. Before two men become best friends, an incredibly complex and intricate bond is formed. They learn about each other in such depth, that when they finally do become best friends, nothing could EVER destroy that friendship.

    ….unless the best friend was an asshole and he had to punch his lights out…..

  15. Eric Rahn Says:

    david mooney said:

    Also,many UN-NICE men start wars.They did all throughout history. Im a man.We’re assholes.Deal with it.Woman are great.

    Learn your history, dumbshit. Some world leaders have been women and almost all of them started a war of some kind (or at least kept it going). As far as assholes go, women are just as capable of such behavior and often prove it. Furthermore, every woman’s favorite type of man IS an asshole. So who does that make the real assholes? If you hate your cock so much, then remove it. You don’t deserve it.

  16. Sway Says:

    Ok, I used to say that we women hate nice guys, but I see your point. We love nice guys, we just don’t want to fuck nice guys.

    Cheers!
    the man-space invader-

  17. son of the suns Says:

    Sway said:

    Ok, I used to say that we women hate nice guys, but I see your point. We love nice guys, we just don’t want to fuck nice guys.

    Cheers!
    the man-space invader-

    Put a gun in your mouth.

    Three Days Grace - Wake Up

  18. Sway Says:

    son of the suns said:

    Sway said:

    Ok, I used to say that we women hate nice guys, but I see your point. We love nice guys, we just don’t want to fuck nice guys.

    Cheers!
    the man-space invader-

    Put a gun in your mouth.

    Three Days Grace - Wake Up

    Can i borrow yours, since I don’t have one?

    Cheers!
    -man-space invader-

  19. son of the suns Says:

    I’m not fucking you.

  20. Sway Says:

    son of the suns said:

    I’m not fucking you.

    my heart is broken

    Cheers!
    -man-space invader-

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