You’re a Peein’
I was at the doctor’s office a few days ago getting my hand X-rayed after punching this fuck-head in the throat during the Super Bowl, and I learned an interesting statistic.
88% of women wash their hands after using the restroom.
66% of men do the same.
Urine is sterile, fellows and gentleman. You’re washing your hands too goddamn much.
Urine is as sterile as washing your hands after going to the bathroom is womanly.
Here’s another interesting statistic that I didn’t see broadcast on the 8 hour loop of CNN Health starring Dr. Sanjay Gupta and some woman with an amazing rack. By the way, to the producers of The New American Gladiators, when it comes to women hosting your shows, always pick rack over experience. There’s no need to reinvent the wheel by giving it a boxing title no one gives a fuck about.
0% of my dick is dirty.
When I go to the bathroom, I touch my pants — no need to wash anything after doing that — then I touch The Penis briefly. At no point in this pants/penis campaign is there anything gross or dirty being touched that would necessitate a hand washing. If anything, my penis is the cleanest part of my person. I might not have washed the jeans I’m wearing today, but I damn sure washed The Penis. It’s clean enough to eat off of.
That’s why men wash our hands after using the bathroom at a rate of 66% versus the womanly 88%. We’re not filthy.
Going to the bathroom for men doesn’t require maintenance on par with laying bricks. For those of you who haven’t laid a lot of brick in your life — literally, not metaphorically — doing so requires a lot of wiping and tidying of seams. When this is done with bricks it’s very manly, but when it’s done with a vagina not only is it womanly, it’s disgusting.
12% of women are fucking disgusting.
Washing your hands after going to the bathroom is like birth control. All women need to be doing it and men shouldn’t give a fuck about it. It’s not our vagina that’s the problem.
Metaphorically “laying brick” means to take a shit in multiple friend’s bathrooms in the same day. It is a truly repugnant practical joke that will gain you many Man Points.
If you’re French going into the bathroom, and you’re Spanish coming out of the bathroom, what are you when you’re in the bathroom?
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February 12th, 2008 at 12:29 pm - IP Man-Hash: 17fdc200a9723
I always find it amusing how people place so much importance on sterility of the items we use. Would any of you want to drink raw sewage that had been sterilized through boiling? Simply because something’s sterile is not reason enough for me to allow it in my mouth.
I wash my hands after using the bathroom because I don’t want any trace of urine on my hands and it’s an convienent way to remove the cold virus from my fingers. Most colds are transfered from the people touching their face with fingers containing the virus. Periodic washings throughout the day remove many of them.
Oh, and Dick, -100 manpoints for watching CNN and another -200 for admitting it.
February 12th, 2008 at 12:58 pm - IP Man-Hash: c4d026b819ad4
Steve, I would like to call attention to the one degree of separation between me watching CNN and educating men about some broad’s awesome rack. I call that a Man Point reversal.
-Dick
February 15th, 2008 at 4:00 am - IP Man-Hash: 6625da8317686
Loss of manpoints for going to the doctor.
February 19th, 2008 at 4:45 am - IP Man-Hash: c179fee718a23
ive never washed my hands after pissing
only fuckwits do that
February 19th, 2008 at 10:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
A REAL Man goes the Veterinarian. Yeah…………..
February 23rd, 2008 at 4:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7288b00e588db
dearest zardoz,
your facts are wrong. ask a sex expert where most baterial infections come from. (the head of the penis)
if men aren’t even washing their hands after urination, what does that say about their hygiene in general?
i am by no means a fat woman.
i have no particular interest in penis.
you are WRONG, WRONG, and WRONG AGAIN. but, oh, yeah men are better than women at researching facts and not speaking out of assumption based sheerly on defensive tendencies.
February 23rd, 2008 at 4:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7288b00e588db
haven’t given head in years. have no interest in it. so, apparently, i’m “good for nothing.” good for nothing to a bunch of penial obsessed men. oooooooooh the horror! hahahaha.
February 27th, 2008 at 5:33 am - IP Man-Hash: dec033eefe83b
Whether you want to wash your hands or not is your business. If you are at home and you are convinced you arent dirty, fine whatever, in public however SOOOOO DIRTY! People touch their dicks and wipe their asses (talking about the men’s bathroom right now) and you dont know, they could have herpes, or some virus… or anything!!! EW! No thanks! Same goes for the women’s bathroom… the fact you are a dirtbag and don’t wash your hands just shows how stupid you really are.
March 1st, 2008 at 12:42 pm - IP Man-Hash: e57a08408c78c
The penis is not sterile. The entire pubic region of both men and women is covered with fecal coliform bacteria from the anus. You can’t even wash it off entirely because it gets in the pores of the skin. See http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a4_220.html. Wash your hands every time you urinate or defecate!
April 7th, 2008 at 8:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: d0f9faa945185
If anything you should wash before you piss
April 8th, 2008 at 10:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: 67caec8fb3425
Researchers found that the nastiest desk areas or cubicles at work are the womens cubicles. Women that don’t wash after a visit to the restroom are just plain nasty.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: c582593fbcdab
I’m actually an expert on this subject and I wash sometimes before I piss because, like Dick Masterson, I agree that my Penis is the cleanest part of my body. If I’m at home I don’t wash prior normally and almost never afterwards but definitely if I’m at work. Of course, the Penis is covered in bacteria just like every other inch of your body but for me it is much cleaner than my hands which is why I have to wash prior.
The truth is the Penis is damn clean if someone cleans their anus with water and is circumcised and does not harbor any STD’s. This also means the person showers thoroughly every morning, has his pubic hair trimmed, and does not sweat like a hog. If your not circumcised you better wash after pissing if your in public, but at home thats totally unnecessary. Another truth is the vagina’s of most women are really filthy because they have such poor hygenic practices. Apparently daily showering is not high on the to-do list for many women.
Sarah is truly a fucking idiot along with all the other women who have visited and decided to comment on this website. It is almost astonishing that they say the things they do and don’t even realize how utterly retarded what they have said is. I think this is related to the fact that in public, we men do not hold them accountable for the dumb shit they say. We just ignore it and move on. The result is that every woman thinks she has something fucking incredible to contribute to the conversation when in reality it is painful and obnoxious to read or listen to.
Dick, you rock dude.
May 1st, 2008 at 5:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: b47cfacc7120d
Well buddy, why dont you take your clean penis and throw it on the grill. Kabob that bitch up and feed a starving family of homos.
May 1st, 2008 at 5:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: b47cfacc7120d
Hey Dick,
Jump off that bridge over there.
May 1st, 2008 at 5:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: b47cfacc7120d
Do wash your hands after wiping your ass?
May 1st, 2008 at 5:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: b47cfacc7120d
Hey Billy, why dont you take your own dick and stick it in your own mouth. Careful of that herpes you caught last night, you wouldnt wanna get that on your lip.
May 1st, 2008 at 5:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: 21cd76a1f4c18
I call BS.
May 1st, 2008 at 5:51 pm - IP Man-Hash: c582593fbcdab
We wash our hands after shaking hands with your fat, filthy cow hoof.
Add two more stupid cunts to this infinitely long list…
May 1st, 2008 at 6:02 pm - IP Man-Hash: fdca9bf82413c
A-FUCKING-MEN.
May 1st, 2008 at 6:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2ac1930d5d43c
Proper Washing Of The Hands! Because if anyone knows about it, it’s someone who bleeds 2 to 5 days a month…oh wait..