The following question was sent to me by a reader, darzie:

I have an Ask Dick question.

What’s the deal with gals who try to turn themselves into guys? Female to Male transsexuals is the term. Do they count as men?

Well, darzie, you certainly do have an Ask Dick question. Lucky for you, I have a Dick Answer.

Men are better than women at being transsexuals and also at being gay. It’s the same thing anyway. [Read more]

To me, the Marine Corps was the toughest branch in the military where only America’s top 1% earn the honor of being called Marine. Now women and their “equal oppurtunity bullshit” can earn this prestige. They shouldnt. They don’t do pull-ups like the men do, instead they do an arm hang, and their run time can be slower all because they’re not built like men. Even the women in our administration fuck shit up. I believe i just lost a shit load of man points for complaining but my question is, Should women be allowed in not just the Marine Corps but any branch of military?

Thanks for the question, Manly in the Marines, but my answer may surprise you.

Yes. Women should be in the Marines. [Read more]

It’s a commonly accepted fact that women ruin most marriages. At the moment, the worldwide divorce rate is somewhere around 50%. If it isn’t, I don’t care. The point is, in addition to being loud-mouthed and lazy, today’s modern woman doesn’t know how to compensate for her shortcomings in marriage by shelling out any respect. Women also have opinions these days instead of chores. That’s stupid.

What about when divorce isn’t a woman’s fault? It’s unlikely, but since I’m a man, I’ll be the first to admit when women are not to blame.

Science, unclouded by my male compassion, disagrees, and points the blame at daughters. The Little Women. [Read more]

The grilling of meat should be an Olympic event. It was an event in the first Olympics so what the fuck happened? Don’t believe me? How about it was the very first Olympic event. All those other games were just invented so Greeks would have something to do that wasn’t each other while they ate their Olympically cooked meat. That may sound stupid, but you have to remember a man just said it — therefore, it isn’t.

I can name five Olympic sports right off the top of my head that have less merit than the sport of grilling: women’s basketball, women’s swimming, women’s football, women’s boxing, and women’s fuck-off’ing, which I invite all women reading this to get gold medals in.

Women’s Olympic Grilling? Women can’t grill. They wouldn’t even pretend to. You know why women can’t grill? Because it’s easy. It takes a lot of time and occasionally a grillman has to deal with some inclement weather, but at the end of the day it’s very easy.

Women can’t do anything easy. [Read more]

Since when did women know how to take a stand?

They must be putting Man Juice in the water of Scottsdale, Arizona because a local woman is finally standing up for what she believes in. This woman is defiant like a man. She believes in shit like a man. And godammit she’s making a fuss about it. Manly.

Gardenia Zakrzewski Johansson is this December’s MenAreBetterThanWomen.com’s Honorary Man of the Month, and her message is: all women need to be immediately stripped of their children. Way to go, Gardenia. [Read more]

The number of myths I’m about to bust is so great I don’t even know how to classify this article.

Except I do know how to classify this article. Men are better than women.

You know all the pretentious shit women pretend to pull off in their twenties and then continue to cling to like a fucking life preserver when they hit their thirties and no man will knock them up because they’re so fucking lame and also won’t ever shut their mouth? Men are better than women at that shit. [Read more]

Are rapists who are men really that bad? Yes. They’re evil.

But are they worse than regular women?

No. [Read more]

I’m going to talk about Britney Spears’ stupid vagina today even though I don’t see anything newsworthy or remotely interesting about what’s happened.

In that case, I’m going to use my man ability to turn something stupid and dull into something of value. Have you ever seen some homeless weirdo on the beach paint beautiful pictures out of chalk and trashcans? Or some other man and some fire turn a bunch of wood into more fire? That’s what I’m talking about.

Men are better than women because penises are better than vaginas. [Read more]