Doings and Dealings

The many ways in which men are better than women.

I’m Keeping My What With You?

Posted in Doings and Dealings on January 12th, 2007

Has anyone ever put some serious man thought into the great trifuckta that is women and money.

They can’t make money.
They can’t keep money.
They can’t spend money.

So why the fuck do women work in banks anyway? Women don’t work as bouncers or as Secret Service agents.

I’ve decided to throw my mighty man brain at the issue. [Read more]

What Do the Superbowl, Boxing, and Wrestling Have in Common?

Posted in Doings and Dealings on January 8th, 2007

Men do everything one of two ways. We either do things as hard and as fast as possible, like a Corvette with Jimmy Page airbrushed onto the hood — awesome; or we do them not at all.

That’s why men are better than women at wearing jewelry. We don’t pussyfoot around things like a bunch of ladies. [Read more]

Why Women Can’t Drive: Part 4?

Posted in Doings and Dealings on January 5th, 2007

Women can’t drive.

Women can’t drive.

Women can’t drive.

Christ, I sound like a parrot — or worse. I nearly sound like a woman!

Not so fast. Like usual, I have a whole new trough of proof for your greedy man snouts. Proof that women can’t drive. And this proof is so man tight, I wouldn’t recommend wearing it as underpants because it will lower your sperm count. [Read more]

Leave a Message After the Beep…Not a Fucking Monologue

Posted in Doings and Dealings on January 3rd, 2007

Like most things, an answering machine is one thing and not a lot of other things. Just like how a screwdriver is a driver for screws and not a pry-er of shit out of other shit. Or how a car is not a chair; get the fuck off of it. Women are brilliant innovators in that way. They can take something with one obvious purpose and use it for a stupid and wrong one.

An answering machine is one thing: a machine to take your messages while you are away on man business. It isn’t a personal mechanical priest or therapist. Women must think it is though with their ten minute fucking messages that have no point. [Read more]

Women Drink Wine Stupidly

Posted in Doings and Dealings on December 13th, 2006

The number of myths I’m about to bust is so great I don’t even know how to classify this article.

Except I do know how to classify this article. Men are better than women.

You know all the pretentious shit women pretend to pull off in their twenties and then continue to cling to like a fucking life preserver when they hit their thirties and no man will knock them up because they’re so fucking lame and also won’t ever shut their mouth? Men are better than women at that shit. [Read more]

Women Feel Sorry For Lamps and Old Chairs and Shit

Posted in Doings and Dealings on September 15th, 2006

If you have an agenda that you know is fucking stupid, but want to make some quick loot out of it there’s only one place to go. That’s right it’s to your nearest woman.

Women are retarded when it comes to using their empathy. That’s because empathy is in your brain not your heart or your stomach as all women believe.

Look around your man-self right now. To you, you exist in a world of inanimate objects. Unless you’re on the tube or at the zoo or something, but since you’re a man, you wouldn’t bring up something so inane and counterproductive. That’s what being a man is about; not sounding like an obnoxious twat every chance you get. [Read more]

The Missing Hen House Entrance

Posted in Doings and Dealings on August 28th, 2006

Women can’t do a lot of things in this man-world. Some man once wrote a song about that in the 40’s or 50’s or some other such man year. The lyrics said:

“It’s a man’s world, but it wouldn’t be nothing without a woman or a girl.” -James Brown

Obviously that was written during a time when women knew how to shut their fucking mouths when they don’t know what they’re talking about: always. The world may be nothing without a bunch of women and girls around fucking up, but I’ll tell you something else. With them around the world is one enormous run-on paragraph.

Men are better than women at using the Enter key. [Read more]

Women Are eStupid

Posted in Doings and Dealings on August 18th, 2006

Can I ask a serious question here? How the fuck are women supposed to be equal to men when they can’t harness the communication medium of the 21st century. The typed fucking word?

They can’t. Women can’t email for shit, they can’t do the text messaging each other on the computer thing for shit (I don’t know what that’s called because I’m a man), and they can’t do the text messaging each other on the phone for shit (same reason).

That’s why they do all three of those all the fucking time. They can’t get it right the first time. [Read more]