The number of myths I’m about to bust is so great I don’t even know how to classify this article.

Except I do know how to classify this article. Men are better than women.

You know all the pretentious shit women pretend to pull off in their twenties and then continue to cling to like a fucking life preserver when they hit their thirties and no man will knock them up because they’re so fucking lame and also won’t ever shut their mouth? Men are better than women at that shit. [Read more]

If you have an agenda that you know is fucking stupid, but want to make some quick loot out of it there’s only one place to go. That’s right it’s to your nearest woman.

Women are retarded when it comes to using their empathy. That’s because empathy is in your brain not your heart or your stomach as all women believe.

Look around your man-self right now. To you, you exist in a world of inanimate objects. Unless you’re on the tube or at the zoo or something, but since you’re a man, you wouldn’t bring up something so inane and counterproductive. That’s what being a man is about; not sounding like an obnoxious twat every chance you get. [Read more]

Women can’t do a lot of things in this man-world. Some man once wrote a song about that in the 40’s or 50’s or some other such man year. The lyrics said:

“It’s a man’s world, but it wouldn’t be nothing without a woman or a girl.” -James Brown

Obviously that was written during a time when women knew how to shut their fucking mouths when they don’t know what they’re talking about: always. The world may be nothing without a bunch of women and girls around fucking up, but I’ll tell you something else. With them around the world is one enormous run-on paragraph.

Men are better than women at using the Enter key. [Read more]

Can I ask a serious question here? How the fuck are women supposed to be equal to men when they can’t harness the communication medium of the 21st century. The typed fucking word?

They can’t. Women can’t email for shit, they can’t do the text messaging each other on the computer thing for shit (I don’t know what that’s called because I’m a man), and they can’t do the text messaging each other on the phone for shit (same reason).

That’s why they do all three of those all the fucking time. They can’t get it right the first time. [Read more]

Did you know beer is from another culture? It’s true. It’s either German or Sumerian. I don’t know off the top of my head and I don’t want to look it up because that’s a huge loss of my fucking Man Points.

Do you know what else is from other cultures? Hot ladies. I’ll be damned if those aren’t two things that men don’t appreciate in spades.

That’s a triple negative, and that’s manly. Big time. [Read more]

Men are better than women at looking up.

It’s true; and I don’t mean men are better than women at being optimistic or at setting pie in the sky goals for themselves. Everyone knows that already. If women were in charge of setting goals for themselves and humanity we’d all be sitting in trees flinging shit at each other.

Actually, it wouldn’t take much for today’s modern woman to resort to that. They already go to the bathroom in packs. [Read more]

Women have a real problem when it comes to speaking. The problem is that they do it. If women could just keep their fucking mouths shut, they wouldn’t get into any trouble in the first place.

Say goodbye to wife battery, say goodbye to mugging probably, say goodbye to violence against women in general.

Women can’t shut the fuck up though. But you can’t ever hear them either, so what the fuck? [Read more]

There has never been a good woman magician. Sure, women are important to magic, but that’s just like women are important to office work; they can wear short skirts.

Men are better than women at being showmen, but that doesn’t explain why there has never ever been a good woman magician. Surely Oprah could pop a trick or two out of her fat ass every once in a while. How about Ellen? Turning Anne Heche straight again was a pretty good trick wasn’t it? Or miracle. [Read more]