I’ve mentioned Female Tourettes Syndrome in the past, and because it is one of the biggest reasons why men are better than women, I thought I would commemorate this Labor Day by expanding on the topic.

Labor Day is a very manly holiday, after all. Labor Day is why Father’s Day is bullshit. You don’t celebrate two Halloweens or two New Year’s. When compared to a day honoring labor, Father’s Day is redundant.

If there was a day dedicated to buying three times as much crap at a 50% off sale, or spilling fancy candle wax all over the carpet, then we wouldn’t need Mother’s Day. [Read more]

Click below to get Dick in your Ear and listen to the podcast of this article.

The reason women gobble up Feng Shui, healing crystals, and all that other bullshit like pigs at a trough, is because their vaginas aren’t worth shit after the age of 26.

They need something to fill the gap.

Don’t believe me? When was the last time a woman over 26 didn’t lie to you about her age? [Read more]

Click below to get Dick in your Ear and listen to the podcast of this article.

Women think that they somehow own rape — as though rape itself were a wedding and no man could have an opinion about it.

Actually, that was more profound than I thought it was going to be. [Read more]

Women are as adventurous with their culinary tastes as waiting in line for a ski lift — a ski lift that leads to the DMV.

Would the lady care for some calamari this evening?

Ew, gross! It’s squid!

How about some veal?

Ew, gross! I care more about baby cows than I do about the African children who mined these diamond earrings!

And everyone knows it. [Read more]

The reason 20th century women have entered technology in shrew-nosed flocks isn’t because “oppression” ended. Socrates and Magellan were killed because they were interested in science. That’s the worst kind of oppression: oppression of men.

Death by hemlock and spear is also more oppression than any woman has ever been subject to.

Women love baking and cleaning. How is making them do it being oppressive? It’s like sending a disobedient child to his room with a crate of Twinkies, a keg of Cherry Coke, and more video games then God. [Read more]

Feelings are good for you? Wrong.

The biggest reason men are better than women is men don’t have any feelings. Feelings are the indestructible sausage cable of shit that tether women to the ground. Feelings are the source of all womankind’s greatest fuckups and inadequacies and also the reason women hate children so much. But here comes something even more shocking.

Feelings kill you. [Read more]

I forgot Mother’s Day again just like I do every year. You know what that makes me? Every mother’s dream.

Mother’s don’t want a bunch of bullshit and spectacle for Mother’s Day. They may want it, but for their own sake you should give them nothing.

A woman expecting a present is like a hydrophobic dog waiting for a reprieve on doggy death row. It’s going to be disappointed. [Read more]

If there’s one thing you learn after dealing with the mentally handicapped for an extended period of time, it’s that they all want one thing: to be treated equally.

Also graham crackers.

Women are a lot like the mentally handicapped in that way. The only difference is women don’t deserve it — equality or graham crackers. [Read more]