Myths and Lores

Things to be busted.

Young Women Drivers are Still Women

Posted in Myths and Lores on October 9th, 2006

Young, female-type drivers have lower insurance premiums all over Earth. Even in ancient times, this was true.

What is not true, however, is that young women are better drivers than young men. The truth is exactly the opposite. Young men are better drivers than women.

Don’t believe me? Then you’re probably a woman and you should just use all the money you save on your car insurance to buy a fucking clue.

Man Points. [Read more]

Yoga Is For Sluts

Posted in Honorary Man of the Month, Myths and Lores on September 20th, 2006

In my second installment of Dick’s Week of Honorary Men, I would like to honor Kristina Kireeva. As you can tell by her first name, she’s a woman, and that makes her the Honorary Man of the Month for October. Good work Miss October.

You can follow the links at the bottom of this article (and I highly recommend you do), but I will sum it up for you here. That’s part of the reason men are so good at everything by the way. If one man does the work, that man shares it with other men. Women keep secrets like they’re poisonous.

Like everything I say about women, I didn’t know how brilliant that was until I proof read it — which as a man I never do. [Read more]

Women Hate Babies

Posted in Myths and Lores on September 11th, 2006

Women hate children.

Remember that book Hillary Clinton wrote called “It takes a Village to Raise a Child”? I don’t know if that was the exact title. It’s not important enough of a thing for me to remember in that manner of detail. That was the point though; that women can’t raise children on their own. They need help and more importantly they need men.

Remember that movie Three Men and a Baby? I do remember that title exactly because that was a good fucking movie. What was the moral of that movie?

Men don’t need shit to raise shit — babies. [Read more]

Men Are Man-Prettier Than Women

Posted in Myths and Lores on August 25th, 2006

Here’s one of my least favorite Shit-A-Myths. It’s so sneaky and seemingly fucking harmless, I don’t think there’s a man on Earth who hasn’t said it without a second thought.

“Men are big and ugly while women are graceful, beautiful, and attractive.”

Women are none of those things. Women are clumsy, monkey-lipped, and gross. [Read more]

A Woman’s Shelf Life Is Not 30

Posted in Myths and Lores on July 31st, 2006

A lot of people will tell you women are no good after the age of 30. It’s called a shelf life; the age at which the utility of a woman — the benefits of starting a relationship with her — no longer outweigh the staggering and nearly Herculean downsides. The second the clock strikes 12 on that fateful day, a woman’s skin wilts and her hands turn into wax paper. It’s not a pretty sight.

The real question is: is it true? Are women really that bad after 30? Should they be avoided at all costs?

No. Women’s shelf life isn’t 30. It’s 23. [Read more]

Women’s Stories Have No Fucking Point

Posted in Myths and Lores on June 9th, 2006

There’s a myth as old as men’s desire to un-invent pants.

Women’s stories have no fucking point.

While that is a man-fact — meaning it is true as far as a man immediately understands and knows true things to be true without a lot of dicking around with proofs and facts and other such nonsense; it is not a true fact.

The true fact of it is women’s stories have too many points. [Read more]

If History is a Stage, Women are the Gum Under your Seat.

Posted in Myths and Lores on May 26th, 2006

Some people will tell you that women played a minor role in history. They’re wrong.

Women played no role in history. Zip, zero, zilch, nada, and fuck all. If you add them all up they equal women’s contribution to history: absolutely fucking nothing.

I was listening to a Wild-Eyed Crazy talk about the early domestication of dogs in a documentary. I’m a man so I enjoy that kind of shit. Why a woman was on a documentary that wasn’t also a sex documentary and also didn’t put her in a bikini, I do not know. However, this wacky broad posed a non-interesting theory:

The early domestication of dogs required extreme empathy. Thus, women did it.

Wow. That’s a doozy. [Read more]

Truth in Manvertising

Posted in Myths and Lores on May 5th, 2006

Myth: Men are blundering incompetent jackasses.

If you’re some kind of alien and you watch a lot of television (or even a little bit of television), you’ll be presented with one thing: men are lazy idiots who can’t get anything right the first time unless they’re gay — and the only way they get to have sex is with money.

The assumption there is also that you’re of an alien species that doesn’t have gender. If you did, you would already know that women, no matter what the species, are nature’s cruel joke on man. [Read more]