Men are luckier than women.

I’m not an idiot. I know that if a man flips a coin and a woman flips the same coin, they both have a 50/50 chance of getting one side or the other.

Actually, men probably have a slightly higher chance due to manliness.

It doesn’t matter anyway because men don’t dick around with games like flip the coin, where no matter how much you bet, you’re going to end up with the same amount at the end of the night. Men only bet when we’re guaranteed to lose. That’s why men love women so much. Women are a bad bet no matter how you stack your race card and no matter how young you bag them.

That’s also why men are better than women at Las Vegas. [Read more]

Women can’t hang picture frames for shit. One time, I was watching a woman hang a picture and she completely dropped it. The whole thing shattered and got glass everywhere.

Nice work, lady.

Men are better than women. [Read more]

Protecting the environment is a lot like changing your oil or cleaning a septic tank. If a man’s not in charge, everything’s going to get covered in shit.

But if a man’s not in charge, no one’s going to be there to say things are fucked anyway.

Man Zen.

Women will track mud straight up the fucking walls without batting an eye if they’re the ones doing it. You and I call that being a hypocrite. Women call it “letting their hair down”. I have a question. Where was all that hair when I wanted to see Ghost Rider on opening night? Was it stuck right up your ass? [Read more]

Men are better than women at buying groceries and we have been since the beginning of time.

Men invented gathering for the same reason. We’re better. Primitive women went out, found some vegetables growing in the ground, and then ate and shat them right there. That’s not called gathering, that’s called Ladies Night.

That’s why modern women are always complaining about not being taken out enough by their boyfriends. They want it so much because they don’t understand how to take themselves out. Once they find some food they’ll just fall asleep at the fucking table. I’ve seen forty year old women perpetrate that shit. [Read more]

I’ve never watched American Idol. I don’t eat Soy based anything for the same reason. I’m afraid of putting too much estrogen in my system.

For the record, however, men are better than women at American Idol. [Read more]

I met a woman last night who told me about a phenomenon known as “cutting”.

If you thought bulimia was pointless and stupid, you better come up with some more derogatory words for this one.

“Pointlesser” and “stupider” are not words. [Read more]

Men are like grapes. We’re awesome when we’re young, and we’re awesome when we’re old and rasin-y.

Women are like broken pianos. They’re 500 pounds, they sound like shit, and in order to get rid of one you’re going to have to do some serious conning. Also, when a broken piano is 70 years old, it still isn’t worth a damn without fifty grand of restoration. [Read more]

Between jobs and drinking buddies, there are a lot of inane clutterings about the world men know little about. Sewing is one of them. Scrapbooking is another of these things. Scrapbooking is so womanly that I have banned myself from ever appearing in a scrapbook. Such a notion sickens me.

Life is meant to be lived, fellows and gentlemen. It’s not a science project. You don’t hit life with a noxious aerosol concoction of chlorine and formaldehyde and then mount it in a shadow box.

I am a man. I am the anti-scrapbook. [Read more]