“Now we’re getting serious, because next is the guys.” – Hulk Hogan, The New American Gladiators

The original American Gladiators was among the top imangination breakthroughs of the early 90’s, picking up right where Miami Vice left off in terms of awesome spectacle and manly attire. Like all men, I cannot possibly describe with words how excited I was to hear it returning this fall. I could only describe that feeling in explosions or the sound of women orgasming.

Like the original American Gladiators, I find myself torn on the series. Half of it is enthralling and gripping television, sausage-packed with suspense and triumph; while the other half just kind of wallows around in apathy, having no strategy, not really understanding the games, and generally having no purpose in life or on television.

Why the fuck are women on American Gladiators?

Women ruin half of American Gladiators. [Read more]

The reason it takes women two hours to go shoe shopping is because they anthropomorphise consumable goods. That’s what women are after all: consumable goods. It’s no surprise that they project their self-worth onto anything that can be purchased and used.

Women assign souls to inanimate objects. When they go shoe shopping, they have to look at each and every pair because if they miss one, a woman thinks she’s hurting its feelings. That’s why women are such cunts most of time. After a long day of running four errands before 3 PM, a woman has already exhausted her daily supply of caring. Fuck you if you wanted anything by the time you see her. You should have been on the rack with a price tag like the rest of her “babies”.

“Mother Nature” is full of consumable goods. Women think “Mother Earth” has feelings.

At least that’s what I’m going with until anyone can think of a better reason why a woman would abort a fetus in order to protect “Mother Earth” from the carbon emissions of her spawn. [Read more]

If it looks like a stripper and costs like a stripper then it’s a stripper.

This Halloween, woman-kind has lowered the bar of decency yet another inch in their eternal quest for gold at the Whore Olympics, by giving their daughters the key to the Halloween Slut closet six years ahead of schedule.

If you haven’t been watching the news, or you haven’t attended any elementary school Halloween parties, let me tell you about the trick or treat you’ve been missing.

Jailbait. [Read more]

Today, October 1st, marks a great day for men and for justice. We can all give a manly nod and a manly point to the courts today, as they have just awarded Kevin Federline rightful custody over his children.

This is unlike the day on which Joey Buttafuoco was sent to prison. That was a sad day.

Today, the system works. [Read more]

A women’s group in the Middle East is attempting to piss in the face of God this week by petitioning the king of Saudi Arabia for the driving rights they don’t deserve.

That’s right, the burning bra of feminism has torched itself all the way around the world. Women in Saudi Arabia want to drive.

I am writing this article as an open letter to King Abdullah (the king of Saudi Arabia) in hopes of stopping this catastrofuck of lady locomotion before it explodes all over the Middle East like ten nuclear bombs.

If you support this letter, show King Abdullah by signing below in the comments. [Read more]

At a dog show, even third place is still a good specimen of dog. It might not be the best, but it’s a damn good dog. No one’s showing up at the Westminster Kennel Club with a dead monkey on a leash.

Third place at the Miss Teen USA pageant, however, is a mildly-functioning, retarded jackass.

I don’t know whether to criticize the Miss Teen USA pageant for this, or congratulate them on finding such an accurate ambassador for the female gender. [Read more]

I’m disgusted by prejudice against men of all kinds.

Prejudice against women is common sense. They’re no good at anything. Of course it’s okay to be prejudiced against them. It’s okay to be prejudiced against throwing your money into the sewer for the same reason.

Men are better than women.

Hillary Clinton has no chance in hell of becoming the next president of the United States. The only reason she’s running is because women don’t want a black man in the White House. [Read more]

Men are masters of terror. Men like Wes Craven and Stephen King.

Men are also better than women at terrorism.

Recently, a woman fucked up some terrorism so badly, she blew herself up in the middle of an empty street. That doesn’t surprise me. A woman once asked me if they always put fresh oil in during an oil change.

No, they buy some oil off eBay. Get a fucking clue. [Read more]