A women’s group in the Middle East is attempting to piss in the face of God this week by petitioning the king of Saudi Arabia for the driving rights they don’t deserve.

That’s right, the burning bra of feminism has torched itself all the way around the world. Women in Saudi Arabia want to drive.

I am writing this article as an open letter to King Abdullah (the king of Saudi Arabia) in hopes of stopping this catastrofuck of lady locomotion before it explodes all over the Middle East like ten nuclear bombs.

If you support this letter, show King Abdullah by signing below in the comments. [Read more]

At a dog show, even third place is still a good specimen of dog. It might not be the best, but it’s a damn good dog. No one’s showing up at the Westminster Kennel Club with a dead monkey on a leash.

Third place at the Miss Teen USA pageant, however, is a mildly-functioning, retarded jackass.

I don’t know whether to criticize the Miss Teen USA pageant for this, or congratulate them on finding such an accurate ambassador for the female gender. [Read more]

I’m disgusted by prejudice against men of all kinds.

Prejudice against women is common sense. They’re no good at anything. Of course it’s okay to be prejudiced against them. It’s okay to be prejudiced against throwing your money into the sewer for the same reason.

Men are better than women.

Hillary Clinton has no chance in hell of becoming the next president of the United States. The only reason she’s running is because women don’t want a black man in the White House. [Read more]

Men are masters of terror. Men like Wes Craven and Stephen King.

Men are also better than women at terrorism.

Recently, a woman fucked up some terrorism so badly, she blew herself up in the middle of an empty street. That doesn’t surprise me. A woman once asked me if they always put fresh oil in during an oil change.

No, they buy some oil off eBay. Get a fucking clue. [Read more]

Women queer every deal that they’re apart of and they watch shit for television.

That’s not me coming at you with a dose of truth. That’s 84-year-old, legendary BBC television presenter Sir Patrick Moore.

“I was in hospital once and I watched a whole episode of Eastenders. I suppose it’s true to life. But so is diarrhea — and I don’t want to see that on television” - Sir Patrick Moore

Neither do I, Sir Patrick. Unless it’s on House. [Read more]

It’s not often that I, Dick Masterson, bestow an award like Father of the Year. In fact this is the only time I’ve ever done it. But who knows what the future holds. Submit your nominations for 2008 today!

Alec Baldwin, legendary for his roles in Beetlejuice and She’s Having a Baby, recently left a passionate voice mail for his 11 year old daughter. When I think of “father” I think “passion”. Do you know what a father’s role is? To protect a useless little girl from a world of horrible things. Without a father, who would beat off the hordes of horny boys young girls naturally attract?

Being a father is just like being in the movie The 300. That’s awesome. Way to go Dad’s. [Read more]

This year, Wimbledon will be offering the same prize monies for women that they do for men. This is a first for Wimbledon, but it isn’t a first for women and bitching their way into higher pay without providing shit extra.

That’s something women do every day.

In an article I read about it, so-called experts say Wimbledon is bowing to public pressure. That’s where they lost me. In order to create public pressure, doesn’t a person have to not have anything more important to do during the day, like a fucking job or any hobbies or anything like that?

How about raising a family? No, women certainly don’t do that. [Read more]

I’m a man so naturally I can see right through politics. My eyeballs and my man-brain are like a super powered laser beam of knowing political shit and when that shit is up — especially when it’s up to some shit.

A lot of men have been criticizing Nancy Pelosi for being both the Lady-Speaker of the House in the USA and also a woman and therefore incompetent. To these men, I have this to say.

Come on, guys. You don’t think the men in charge of the USA aren’t up to something with that first Lady-Speaker shit, do you? That doesn’t sound like men. I’ll tell you right now that that shit is up to some shit. [Read more]