It’s not often that I, Dick Masterson, bestow an award like Father of the Year. In fact this is the only time I’ve ever done it. But who knows what the future holds. Submit your nominations for 2008 today!

Alec Baldwin, legendary for his roles in Beetlejuice and She’s Having a Baby, recently left a passionate voice mail for his 11 year old daughter. When I think of “father” I think “passion”. Do you know what a father’s role is? To protect a useless little girl from a world of horrible things. Without a father, who would beat off the hordes of horny boys young girls naturally attract?

Being a father is just like being in the movie The 300. That’s awesome. Way to go Dad’s. [Read more]

This year, Wimbledon will be offering the same prize monies for women that they do for men. This is a first for Wimbledon, but it isn’t a first for women and bitching their way into higher pay without providing shit extra.

That’s something women do every day.

In an article I read about it, so-called experts say Wimbledon is bowing to public pressure. That’s where they lost me. In order to create public pressure, doesn’t a person have to not have anything more important to do during the day, like a fucking job or any hobbies or anything like that?

How about raising a family? No, women certainly don’t do that. [Read more]

I’m a man so naturally I can see right through politics. My eyeballs and my man-brain are like a super powered laser beam of knowing political shit and when that shit is up — especially when it’s up to some shit.

A lot of men have been criticizing Nancy Pelosi for being both the Lady-Speaker of the House in the USA and also a woman and therefore incompetent. To these men, I have this to say.

Come on, guys. You don’t think the men in charge of the USA aren’t up to something with that first Lady-Speaker shit, do you? That doesn’t sound like men. I’ll tell you right now that that shit is up to some shit. [Read more]

Since when did women know how to take a stand?

They must be putting Man Juice in the water of Scottsdale, Arizona because a local woman is finally standing up for what she believes in. This woman is defiant like a man. She believes in shit like a man. And godammit she’s making a fuss about it. Manly.

Gardenia Zakrzewski Johansson is this December’s MenAreBetterThanWomen.com’s Honorary Man of the Month, and her message is: all women need to be immediately stripped of their children. Way to go, Gardenia. [Read more]

A bunch of fatties got together recently and didn’t watch TV, didn’t throw back any pints, and didn’t injure their ACL’s in mantastic feats of weekend warriorism. What they did do was watch boring TV (most likely), talk about how much having “curves” defines them more than their shitty collection of porcelain cats (most definitely), and sweat gravy.

Yes that’s right, this bunch of porkers were women. Guess what they also did.

They invented the scholastic discipline of Fat Studies. What in the fuck? [Read more]

Recently a woman was shot six times in the head and none of the bullets penetrated her skull.

What a fucking surprise I said to the television who told me about it. The pen is supposedly mightier than the sword, right? If something as powerful as an idea can’t penetrate the invulnerable layer of a woman’s particle board skull, what makes anyone think a fucking bullet could?

Women are like cockroaches. Their stupid opinions could survive a nuclear holocaust. [Read more]

I’m kicking off a week of articles on manly man men today. Manly man men who excel in the field of manness at all times; not only above and beyond my own man standards (mandards), but by kicking the shit out of theirs as well.

That’s what being a man is all about: surprising yourself. I surprise myself ten times a day at least.

I’ve also surprised myself by starting this week of articles on a Friday. Do you think a week of Manly Man Men could be contained in 7 days? I don’t fucking think so. [Read more]

If you pay attention to the news like a man does — and I know you do because you’re a man, then you’ve heard about the case of poor Anthony Stockelman.

Stockelman is serving a life sentence in Indiana, America for the molestation and murder of a 10 year old girl.

I can only imagine what would have become of him in a prison of women. He probably would have been taught how to knit or how to believe in Tantric yoga or some other bullshit where women just run their fucking mouths for hours on end and then give themselves a medal when they’re done. Stockelman was in a man’s prison though, so he was beaten and tattooed across the forehead with the words KATIE’S REVENGE.

It’s the kind of thing that makes you proud to be a man. [Read more]